Really, this is very pointless, but I don't get in this mood often... or at all, to be honest. So I may as well blog about it.
I feel like listening to someone.
I mean, I listen to people every day. We all do. And there are certain people that I've just allowed to talk to me for hours on end if need be. Right now it's different, though.
I just want to listen to someone. Anyone. I just want someone to ramble on about nothing. About what irks them, what worries them... what inspires them, what excites them... I just want someone to talk to me about themselves. I just want to listen. I don't want it to be text based, though. I want to actually hear the emotions in the person's voice as they speak everything in their heart, soul or mind. Whatever they're willing to share.
Perhaps this is because I'm sick of thinking to myself, or something? I don't know. I don't really care. All that matters is that, right now, I want to listen to someone speak.
Yeah. That's all I have to say. You can all carry on with your evening now.
Showing posts with label emotion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotion. Show all posts
Aug 24, 2011
Jun 19, 2011
Emotive
(This is being written as I lie in bed about to fall asleep, so it's probably not going to make sense. Just a warning.)
Dad and I were discussing people again. Well, I brought up my confusion over emotions and all (as I tend to do) and he tried to make as much sense of it as he could for me. The conversation ended with this:
Me: Well, why do we feel the pain of others? If a book describes someone being in terrible emotional pain, we can feel it, right? But if it's physical pain, like a broken bone or torture, you don't really feel that as well. Not to the same degree. Why is that?
Dad: Physical pain is to do with nerves. Reading a book doesn't stimulate any nerve endings. But reading a book stimulates the brain, and I guess that's where emotions come from. At least, that's how I understand it.
Me: Right, okay, that makes sense. But still, why do we empathise?
Dad: Because we're... emotive creatures, I guess. It's just... we just do. It's not rational. It's not supposed to be.
Honestly, I think this is one of the few times my Dad hasn't even tried to come up with an answer.
So once again, I've been thinking too much. Now I'm on the topic of relationships. Pfft, great way to depress myself, right? Well, for once, no. I'm oddly positive. I wonder why. Chances are my mood is going to crash in the near future to make up for this. But anyway. Back onto the topic of love and whatnot.
You can care for someone deeply and share both their happiness and sorrow, and know that regardless of what happens, it's okay because it's them. That's not all that personal and can be applied to a lot of relationships. So... whatever. I think, when you start to love someone, it's because you love specific aspects of them, the things that set them apart from everyone else. Like the way a person thinks, or the way they speak, or perhaps just their smile. There's got to be something that is so decidedly them that you wouldn't be able to confuse it with anyone else. And you know, you might love them for those traits, but you'll also love them for the flaws. You can't have good characterisation in television without flaws, and the same goes for reality. You can't relate to someone if they're perfect. There's no depth to them, there's no substance. You can love someone for their strengths and weaknesses.
But still, that's not quite there. You can love someone, yes, but to be in love with someone, you've got to go a step further. If you're in love, it's because you love your own actions when you're around them. You'll act differently. When you're with someone you love (not just romantically, really) then you're going to act differently. We change depending on who we interact with. When you find someone who truly brings out the best in you, then you know you're with someone you need to hold on to. That's what I believe, anyway.
I also had a discussion with Clearly Unfocused, Phantomess and Miss Invisible today. We came to the conclusion that, whether it be romantic or platonic, every relationship we have needs to have issues. You need to have things in common, but there must be differences to stop things from becoming dull. To make conversation, you need to differ in opinion.
Also, without conflict, you become complacent and start to take things for granted. And that's when things fall apart. You need the conflict to keep you working. Once you stop working at a relationship, then you may as well give up completely. Of course, you don't want too much conflict. If you're always at each other's throats, then things aren't going to last. There's got to be a balance there.
Fff my eyes hurt. A lot. And I'm slouching from being active-ish all day. I was going to write a lot more, but I physically can't. Damn my weak physique and eyesight. I want to write crappy posts about love, dammit! Whatever.
"I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."
-Roy Croft
Dad and I were discussing people again. Well, I brought up my confusion over emotions and all (as I tend to do) and he tried to make as much sense of it as he could for me. The conversation ended with this:
Me: Well, why do we feel the pain of others? If a book describes someone being in terrible emotional pain, we can feel it, right? But if it's physical pain, like a broken bone or torture, you don't really feel that as well. Not to the same degree. Why is that?
Dad: Physical pain is to do with nerves. Reading a book doesn't stimulate any nerve endings. But reading a book stimulates the brain, and I guess that's where emotions come from. At least, that's how I understand it.
Me: Right, okay, that makes sense. But still, why do we empathise?
Dad: Because we're... emotive creatures, I guess. It's just... we just do. It's not rational. It's not supposed to be.
Honestly, I think this is one of the few times my Dad hasn't even tried to come up with an answer.
So once again, I've been thinking too much. Now I'm on the topic of relationships. Pfft, great way to depress myself, right? Well, for once, no. I'm oddly positive. I wonder why. Chances are my mood is going to crash in the near future to make up for this. But anyway. Back onto the topic of love and whatnot.
You can care for someone deeply and share both their happiness and sorrow, and know that regardless of what happens, it's okay because it's them. That's not all that personal and can be applied to a lot of relationships. So... whatever. I think, when you start to love someone, it's because you love specific aspects of them, the things that set them apart from everyone else. Like the way a person thinks, or the way they speak, or perhaps just their smile. There's got to be something that is so decidedly them that you wouldn't be able to confuse it with anyone else. And you know, you might love them for those traits, but you'll also love them for the flaws. You can't have good characterisation in television without flaws, and the same goes for reality. You can't relate to someone if they're perfect. There's no depth to them, there's no substance. You can love someone for their strengths and weaknesses.
But still, that's not quite there. You can love someone, yes, but to be in love with someone, you've got to go a step further. If you're in love, it's because you love your own actions when you're around them. You'll act differently. When you're with someone you love (not just romantically, really) then you're going to act differently. We change depending on who we interact with. When you find someone who truly brings out the best in you, then you know you're with someone you need to hold on to. That's what I believe, anyway.
I also had a discussion with Clearly Unfocused, Phantomess and Miss Invisible today. We came to the conclusion that, whether it be romantic or platonic, every relationship we have needs to have issues. You need to have things in common, but there must be differences to stop things from becoming dull. To make conversation, you need to differ in opinion.
Also, without conflict, you become complacent and start to take things for granted. And that's when things fall apart. You need the conflict to keep you working. Once you stop working at a relationship, then you may as well give up completely. Of course, you don't want too much conflict. If you're always at each other's throats, then things aren't going to last. There's got to be a balance there.
Fff my eyes hurt. A lot. And I'm slouching from being active-ish all day. I was going to write a lot more, but I physically can't. Damn my weak physique and eyesight. I want to write crappy posts about love, dammit! Whatever.
"I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."
-Roy Croft
Jun 6, 2011
Matters of the Heart
You know, I don't quite get the social animals thing. Yeah, as humans we just have this need to converse and befriend others, but... I don't quite see why. And there's so many people who claim to have a social phobia of some sort... How can a social creature have a social phobia? How? Why? Why why why why why?
I can't comprehend this.
For some reason, I can't help but try and figure out why we're social creatures. I mean, I can see the benefits, but I also see a lot of disadvantages to working in a group.
That said, when I consider my own friend and family, I certainly don't do things with them because I expect something in return. So there's obviously this other dynamic there that I just can't quite grasp. Or, perhaps I can grasp it, but I'm trying not to. I don't want to.
I know I've mentioned this before, but I think I have a co-dependency complex. I fear becoming co-dependent. And I think I try to reason everything I do so that I can monitor myself and make sure that I don't rely on others too much. Hence my confusion over all this.
I am horribly hypocritical about all that, though, because I also fear being alone. Go figure.
I'm not sure what I want. My feelings on all this tend to fluctuate quite often. There are times when I'll speak about nothing for hours with other people. Where I end up being very over the top. These are the times when I do love my physical contact, where hugs are just normal for me and I also enjoy play fights and whatever else. So long as I'm near someone else. And then there are the times when... I don't know, it's like there's a social 'switch' in me and someone has turned it off. I'll just not talk, not listen, shy away from the world and I'll even disappear off the internet. I'll flinch if someone prods me.
I don't quite understand any of that. I don't know why I sometimes crave the contact, both emotionally and physically. I don't know why there are other times where I feel slightly nauseous over just the prospect of being near someone.
Is it too much to ask for some consistency here?
Thing is, I only start to avoid others if I feel I've gotten too clingy. It's not really a conscious thing. I just stop. I think it was, once. I'd tell myself "yeah, okay, you're going too far" and I'd force myself to shy away from everyone else. It's just gotten to the point where I do it automatically.
Pretty sure it was never like this until after my last boyfriend. Romance isn't all it's cracked up to be if you do become dependent, I suppose. Then again, I guess I'm glad things ended up the way they did. Live and learn, and all that. Maybe this will save me from future issues.
Eh, still. I know I crave attention. I miss having someone to rely on. I miss having someone who was both a friend and more. I miss the little secrets that none of our friends were in on. I miss the times when just bumping shoulders or catching his gaze across the room would send shivers down my spine. Granted, I wouldn't want that with him anymore. That ship sailed long ago. ...That doesn't mean that I don't miss it, sometimes.
I berate myself for that. Hence why I now have days that I try to avoid others. To convince myself I don't want this anymore. I don't.
Lol co-dependency I don't even.
I guess that's more of a relationship thing, though. I mean, I've never been massively dependent on friends. I do avoid speaking to my friends quite often though. Perhaps my mind fails at deciphering between those that I'm close with and I can lean on without becoming dependent, and those that I end up needing as an emotional crutch to the point of me becoming completely clingy.
Random subject change: You know how people say that relationship matters come from the heart? I refuse to say that. They come from the mind too. The heart just pumps blood, right?
Even so, there's something about the heart that is so obviously romantic. Maybe because that's what pumps our blood, the essence of everything that makes us alive, through our very being. And it's tangible, as well. You can feel a heart beating.
You can't feel a brain thinking. And I think that's why hearts are always considered to be the epitome of our emotions. You can feel it. If you put your head to a persons chest, you can hear it. Also, when something terrible happens, you feel it in your chest, near the heart. You can feel that pain swell under the skin and spread throughout your torso. Your 'blood runs cold', as they say. And your ribcage suddenly feels too small, too constricting...
What causes that feeling, then? There we go, something else I don't understand. We all know when something horrible happens, so why do we need a physical reminder of the fact?
Why?
=_=
I can't comprehend this.
For some reason, I can't help but try and figure out why we're social creatures. I mean, I can see the benefits, but I also see a lot of disadvantages to working in a group.
That said, when I consider my own friend and family, I certainly don't do things with them because I expect something in return. So there's obviously this other dynamic there that I just can't quite grasp. Or, perhaps I can grasp it, but I'm trying not to. I don't want to.
I know I've mentioned this before, but I think I have a co-dependency complex. I fear becoming co-dependent. And I think I try to reason everything I do so that I can monitor myself and make sure that I don't rely on others too much. Hence my confusion over all this.
I am horribly hypocritical about all that, though, because I also fear being alone. Go figure.
I'm not sure what I want. My feelings on all this tend to fluctuate quite often. There are times when I'll speak about nothing for hours with other people. Where I end up being very over the top. These are the times when I do love my physical contact, where hugs are just normal for me and I also enjoy play fights and whatever else. So long as I'm near someone else. And then there are the times when... I don't know, it's like there's a social 'switch' in me and someone has turned it off. I'll just not talk, not listen, shy away from the world and I'll even disappear off the internet. I'll flinch if someone prods me.
I don't quite understand any of that. I don't know why I sometimes crave the contact, both emotionally and physically. I don't know why there are other times where I feel slightly nauseous over just the prospect of being near someone.
Is it too much to ask for some consistency here?
Thing is, I only start to avoid others if I feel I've gotten too clingy. It's not really a conscious thing. I just stop. I think it was, once. I'd tell myself "yeah, okay, you're going too far" and I'd force myself to shy away from everyone else. It's just gotten to the point where I do it automatically.
Pretty sure it was never like this until after my last boyfriend. Romance isn't all it's cracked up to be if you do become dependent, I suppose. Then again, I guess I'm glad things ended up the way they did. Live and learn, and all that. Maybe this will save me from future issues.
Eh, still. I know I crave attention. I miss having someone to rely on. I miss having someone who was both a friend and more. I miss the little secrets that none of our friends were in on. I miss the times when just bumping shoulders or catching his gaze across the room would send shivers down my spine. Granted, I wouldn't want that with him anymore. That ship sailed long ago. ...That doesn't mean that I don't miss it, sometimes.
I berate myself for that. Hence why I now have days that I try to avoid others. To convince myself I don't want this anymore. I don't.
Lol co-dependency I don't even.
I guess that's more of a relationship thing, though. I mean, I've never been massively dependent on friends. I do avoid speaking to my friends quite often though. Perhaps my mind fails at deciphering between those that I'm close with and I can lean on without becoming dependent, and those that I end up needing as an emotional crutch to the point of me becoming completely clingy.
Random subject change: You know how people say that relationship matters come from the heart? I refuse to say that. They come from the mind too. The heart just pumps blood, right?
Even so, there's something about the heart that is so obviously romantic. Maybe because that's what pumps our blood, the essence of everything that makes us alive, through our very being. And it's tangible, as well. You can feel a heart beating.
You can't feel a brain thinking. And I think that's why hearts are always considered to be the epitome of our emotions. You can feel it. If you put your head to a persons chest, you can hear it. Also, when something terrible happens, you feel it in your chest, near the heart. You can feel that pain swell under the skin and spread throughout your torso. Your 'blood runs cold', as they say. And your ribcage suddenly feels too small, too constricting...
What causes that feeling, then? There we go, something else I don't understand. We all know when something horrible happens, so why do we need a physical reminder of the fact?
Why?
=_=
May 26, 2011
I'm Not Doing This During Class. Definitely Not.
I am confused.
I’m writing this in my spare period at school. And I am very confused.
I’m putting off my school work to muse over my life, because I am doubleplusconfused.
I am so confused that I’m not taking words from 1984 and changing them for my own purposes. I do not have any real reasoning behind this. Pretend that links back to me being confused, kthx.
Well, now that I think about it, I’m not that confused. I have theories behind why certain things are happening, and I don’t think I’m too far off (though I’m sure I’m not a hundred percent correct. I can’t be right. I mean... that doesn’t even... I’m not going to think about that). I can comprehend what’s going on, so much so that I’m formulating my own little ideas about this all. So clearly I am not confused.
But... well, that word seems to suit my thoughts better than any other. Yeah, I get what’s going on. But there’s still some factor that’s utterly... perplexing... and I’m not quite sure what it is that makes things perplexing, nor can I explain this any better. I just can’t. I’m going to blame the English language and say there just aren’t enough words to describe this. I like insulting the English language though, and I have a feeling that there aren’t any languages that could describe this situation efficiently enough.
I won’t go into detail. No one wants to know about my social life. Just know that I completely understand everything that’s going on, and yet I still manage to be completely and utterly confused. Maybe... Maybe I understand what's going on, and I get the theory behind it, but on an emotional level my brain just goes whaaaat. Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
You know, the English language has so many synonyms, and yet we still aren’t specific enough in some areas. In Japanese, the words watashi, watakushi, atashi, ore and boku all translate best to I. They are different, but it’s close to impossible to show that in our language. Fail to us.
I should go do some work now. So much stuff is due... I can’t focus though. Gotta hate being unable to focus. I suppose, at the least, I could go make some notes or something. Ciao.
I’m writing this in my spare period at school. And I am very confused.
I’m putting off my school work to muse over my life, because I am doubleplusconfused.
I am so confused that I’m not taking words from 1984 and changing them for my own purposes. I do not have any real reasoning behind this. Pretend that links back to me being confused, kthx.
Well, now that I think about it, I’m not that confused. I have theories behind why certain things are happening, and I don’t think I’m too far off (though I’m sure I’m not a hundred percent correct. I can’t be right. I mean... that doesn’t even... I’m not going to think about that). I can comprehend what’s going on, so much so that I’m formulating my own little ideas about this all. So clearly I am not confused.
But... well, that word seems to suit my thoughts better than any other. Yeah, I get what’s going on. But there’s still some factor that’s utterly... perplexing... and I’m not quite sure what it is that makes things perplexing, nor can I explain this any better. I just can’t. I’m going to blame the English language and say there just aren’t enough words to describe this. I like insulting the English language though, and I have a feeling that there aren’t any languages that could describe this situation efficiently enough.
I won’t go into detail. No one wants to know about my social life. Just know that I completely understand everything that’s going on, and yet I still manage to be completely and utterly confused. Maybe... Maybe I understand what's going on, and I get the theory behind it, but on an emotional level my brain just goes whaaaat. Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
You know, the English language has so many synonyms, and yet we still aren’t specific enough in some areas. In Japanese, the words watashi, watakushi, atashi, ore and boku all translate best to I. They are different, but it’s close to impossible to show that in our language. Fail to us.
I should go do some work now. So much stuff is due... I can’t focus though. Gotta hate being unable to focus. I suppose, at the least, I could go make some notes or something. Ciao.
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