I am confused.
I’m writing this in my spare period at school. And I am very confused.
I’m putting off my school work to muse over my life, because I am doubleplusconfused.
I am so confused that I’m not taking words from 1984 and changing them for my own purposes. I do not have any real reasoning behind this. Pretend that links back to me being confused, kthx.
Well, now that I think about it, I’m not that confused. I have theories behind why certain things are happening, and I don’t think I’m too far off (though I’m sure I’m not a hundred percent correct. I can’t be right. I mean... that doesn’t even... I’m not going to think about that). I can comprehend what’s going on, so much so that I’m formulating my own little ideas about this all. So clearly I am not confused.
But... well, that word seems to suit my thoughts better than any other. Yeah, I get what’s going on. But there’s still some factor that’s utterly... perplexing... and I’m not quite sure what it is that makes things perplexing, nor can I explain this any better. I just can’t. I’m going to blame the English language and say there just aren’t enough words to describe this. I like insulting the English language though, and I have a feeling that there aren’t any languages that could describe this situation efficiently enough.
I won’t go into detail. No one wants to know about my social life. Just know that I completely understand everything that’s going on, and yet I still manage to be completely and utterly confused. Maybe... Maybe I understand what's going on, and I get the theory behind it, but on an emotional level my brain just goes whaaaat. Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
You know, the English language has so many synonyms, and yet we still aren’t specific enough in some areas. In Japanese, the words watashi, watakushi, atashi, ore and boku all translate best to I. They are different, but it’s close to impossible to show that in our language. Fail to us.
I should go do some work now. So much stuff is due... I can’t focus though. Gotta hate being unable to focus. I suppose, at the least, I could go make some notes or something. Ciao.
Showing posts with label confusion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confusion. Show all posts
May 14, 2011
Well This Post Is Pointless
BLOGGER IS BACK. THANK GOD FOR THIS. I missed this site.
I'm wanting to start posting on my LiveJournal account. It's been there for awhile, but I've only ever been a lurker. Thing is, I suck at the 'first post', you know? What do I write? Ah dang.
K, I'ma gonna go rant about my weird thoughts. Seriously, I need to go find something to do.
All Your Reasons by Matchbox 20 came on the radio before. I love the lyrics. They kinda maybe suit everything that's going on. As Rob Thomas said when they performed the song in Canberra, it's "a love letter to someone you hate".
Lolol, brilliant.
...Not that I'm 'in love' at the moment. I don't like the guys at my school. Except maybe Tenuto Tuo but I'm kinda the wrong gender for him ;)
There is a guy I like a lot, as a friend. And I'm kinda cool with whatever happens. I'm more likely to date him than anyone else, but that said, I wouldn't say that I have a crush on him. Not really. Not quite.
'Tis not the first time I've been in this situation, so it doesn't seem weird to me. Maybe it seems weird to everyone else. Say there's a fine line between "just friends" and "wanting to be more". I'm balancing on that line and I'm not sure what side of it I'm going to fall on. It's happened before, with someone I am comfortable in saying is now my best male friend and nothing more than that. He knows I had an almost-not-quite-crush on him, I think, which is pretty amusing for him I'll bet.
Yes well, that was a different situation. I'm hoping things work out just as well in this case. Somehow, I doubt it though.
Anyway, now you kinda see how I feel about him, yes? Now I shall tell you that at times, I absolutely despise him. I both adore him and find him infuriating. He contradicts himself all the time. I have no idea what the truth is when it comes to him. He can be needlessly brutal (and sometimes, rarely, he can be rather sweet) with his words and he seems to have total disregard for everyone else. He can be overly egotistical, but he's told me about how insecure he actually is (and really, you can kinda tell from the way he acts that a lot of his self-praise is put-on). I guess that links into the whole not-knowing-what-the-truth-is point I made earlier. He'll only talk to me if it suits him. Everything is on his terms. God forbid I ever try to start the conversation. I don't know how I'm supposed to act with him. But for some reason, I can't help but find him intriguing. In a good way.
I like the way he thinks and I do like talking to him. Even if he regularly confuses and angers me. I am feeling rather conflicted, I will admit.
Family are here. I have to go. Dang. So much for a proper blog post. x3
I'm wanting to start posting on my LiveJournal account. It's been there for awhile, but I've only ever been a lurker. Thing is, I suck at the 'first post', you know? What do I write? Ah dang.
K, I'ma gonna go rant about my weird thoughts. Seriously, I need to go find something to do.
All Your Reasons by Matchbox 20 came on the radio before. I love the lyrics. They kinda maybe suit everything that's going on. As Rob Thomas said when they performed the song in Canberra, it's "a love letter to someone you hate".
Lolol, brilliant.
...Not that I'm 'in love' at the moment. I don't like the guys at my school. Except maybe Tenuto Tuo but I'm kinda the wrong gender for him ;)
There is a guy I like a lot, as a friend. And I'm kinda cool with whatever happens. I'm more likely to date him than anyone else, but that said, I wouldn't say that I have a crush on him. Not really. Not quite.
'Tis not the first time I've been in this situation, so it doesn't seem weird to me. Maybe it seems weird to everyone else. Say there's a fine line between "just friends" and "wanting to be more". I'm balancing on that line and I'm not sure what side of it I'm going to fall on. It's happened before, with someone I am comfortable in saying is now my best male friend and nothing more than that. He knows I had an almost-not-quite-crush on him, I think, which is pretty amusing for him I'll bet.
Yes well, that was a different situation. I'm hoping things work out just as well in this case. Somehow, I doubt it though.
Anyway, now you kinda see how I feel about him, yes? Now I shall tell you that at times, I absolutely despise him. I both adore him and find him infuriating. He contradicts himself all the time. I have no idea what the truth is when it comes to him. He can be needlessly brutal (and sometimes, rarely, he can be rather sweet) with his words and he seems to have total disregard for everyone else. He can be overly egotistical, but he's told me about how insecure he actually is (and really, you can kinda tell from the way he acts that a lot of his self-praise is put-on). I guess that links into the whole not-knowing-what-the-truth-is point I made earlier. He'll only talk to me if it suits him. Everything is on his terms. God forbid I ever try to start the conversation. I don't know how I'm supposed to act with him. But for some reason, I can't help but find him intriguing. In a good way.
I like the way he thinks and I do like talking to him. Even if he regularly confuses and angers me. I am feeling rather conflicted, I will admit.
Family are here. I have to go. Dang. So much for a proper blog post. x3
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