Really, this is very pointless, but I don't get in this mood often... or at all, to be honest. So I may as well blog about it.
I feel like listening to someone.
I mean, I listen to people every day. We all do. And there are certain people that I've just allowed to talk to me for hours on end if need be. Right now it's different, though.
I just want to listen to someone. Anyone. I just want someone to ramble on about nothing. About what irks them, what worries them... what inspires them, what excites them... I just want someone to talk to me about themselves. I just want to listen. I don't want it to be text based, though. I want to actually hear the emotions in the person's voice as they speak everything in their heart, soul or mind. Whatever they're willing to share.
Perhaps this is because I'm sick of thinking to myself, or something? I don't know. I don't really care. All that matters is that, right now, I want to listen to someone speak.
Yeah. That's all I have to say. You can all carry on with your evening now.
Aug 24, 2011
Aug 21, 2011
Laptop Crash
I woke up this morning to the sound of rain. Rain = good. I really did smile and say to myself "ah, today will be a good day". I then grabbed my laptop and decided to blog about No. 6, the anime I'm currently watching.
And my laptop didn't start up.
It was loading for a long, long time. The Window's logo was there for a lot longer than usual. Then the screen turned black and the laptop just... shut down. So Windows did an automatic start-up check when I restarted, and found a whole bunch of issues that I knew little about.
This meant that I had to crawl out from my warm bed (which is right next to the window, allowing the beautiful sound of the pouring rain to flow through the glass~) and show the issues to Dad. Dad's response?
"...there's nothing we can really do about that. I still think this is memory related, hardware wise, and it'd probably be cheaper to buy a new laptop than try to repair that."
God dammit.
We did a search for restore points, but Windows kindly told me that there weren't any. This is rather odd, because I tend to create a restore point at every installation, just to be safe.
Windows, y u lie to me?
Right now we're booting Puppy Linux off of the disc (disc looks weird. I'm used to typing disk, but a quick Google search told me that disc is more appropriate for CD ROM's. Hm) and copying over my folders to an external harddrive. It's only going to take 50 minutes or so, so I guess I'll just... wait.
This isn't the perfect start to the morning that I was hoping to have.
But whatever. At least we can salvage my stuff, right? It could always be worse.
The irony is very bitter to taste, I must say. I actually started sharing my folders on the laptop last night so that I could start backing them up on the desktop (since this laptop has been kinda sick looking for awhile). I only got through the photos before deciding "hey, I'll back them up tomorrow". And right now, I can't, and I very much wish I had done it yesterday.
If there is a God, he totally hates me. Or perhaps he just enjoys tormenting me. I can't blame him, though. I'm terrible to my Sims.
Dad: Maybe we should flash the bios...
Me: Dad, I don't think you should be flashing anything.
Update: There was an error while moving files. Dad thinks we need to update the bios, but we need to do that through Windows, not Linux. Thing is, Windows refuses to start. At all. To fix that, Dad thinks we'll need to do a partial re-install at the very least, which will delete my files... sigh. We're going to have to mount the harddrive externally, which means driving down to Dad's work to steal the stuff we need. This isn't complicated, really, just very, very annoying.
My poor laptop. You have served me well over the past four years. I will never forget your services. You may pass on secure in the knowledge that, during your short life, you have accomplished much for your owner and have been extraordinarily helpful.
We will never forget you. I will never forget you, old chap. Thank you for your company over the years ♥
And my laptop didn't start up.
It was loading for a long, long time. The Window's logo was there for a lot longer than usual. Then the screen turned black and the laptop just... shut down. So Windows did an automatic start-up check when I restarted, and found a whole bunch of issues that I knew little about.
This meant that I had to crawl out from my warm bed (which is right next to the window, allowing the beautiful sound of the pouring rain to flow through the glass~) and show the issues to Dad. Dad's response?
"...there's nothing we can really do about that. I still think this is memory related, hardware wise, and it'd probably be cheaper to buy a new laptop than try to repair that."
God dammit.
We did a search for restore points, but Windows kindly told me that there weren't any. This is rather odd, because I tend to create a restore point at every installation, just to be safe.
Windows, y u lie to me?
Right now we're booting Puppy Linux off of the disc (disc looks weird. I'm used to typing disk, but a quick Google search told me that disc is more appropriate for CD ROM's. Hm) and copying over my folders to an external harddrive. It's only going to take 50 minutes or so, so I guess I'll just... wait.
This isn't the perfect start to the morning that I was hoping to have.
But whatever. At least we can salvage my stuff, right? It could always be worse.
The irony is very bitter to taste, I must say. I actually started sharing my folders on the laptop last night so that I could start backing them up on the desktop (since this laptop has been kinda sick looking for awhile). I only got through the photos before deciding "hey, I'll back them up tomorrow". And right now, I can't, and I very much wish I had done it yesterday.
If there is a God, he totally hates me. Or perhaps he just enjoys tormenting me. I can't blame him, though. I'm terrible to my Sims.
Dad: Maybe we should flash the bios...
Me: Dad, I don't think you should be flashing anything.
Update: There was an error while moving files. Dad thinks we need to update the bios, but we need to do that through Windows, not Linux. Thing is, Windows refuses to start. At all. To fix that, Dad thinks we'll need to do a partial re-install at the very least, which will delete my files... sigh. We're going to have to mount the harddrive externally, which means driving down to Dad's work to steal the stuff we need. This isn't complicated, really, just very, very annoying.
My poor laptop. You have served me well over the past four years. I will never forget your services. You may pass on secure in the knowledge that, during your short life, you have accomplished much for your owner and have been extraordinarily helpful.
We will never forget you. I will never forget you, old chap. Thank you for your company over the years ♥
Aug 12, 2011
Sup Little Me
Recently I've been doing a bit of... uh, self-discovery stuff. I feel that I have to with all the shit going down in my life at the moment, from minor friend dramas to stressful school stuff to utterly painful family arguments.
I'm feeling pretty put down, to be honest. I've been putting myself down, and my mother has been making me feel terrible, and I dunno. I just feel really bad. So I've decided to try and... I dunno, figure stuff out. About me. About why I should feel bad about myself, but also (and more importantly) why I shouldn't.
It's all been pretty difficult. I probably haven't been the most exciting person to be around recently, so kudos to those who have tried to help and have asked what's wrong. Hell, this is aimed even to those that haven't really spoken to me about things, but have at least tried to be there for me. It means a lot.
Hm. Anyway. I've also been trying to figure out stuff with religion, because I don't really know what I believe in and I think I should probably start figuring that out.
I wrote a blog post about that today in Biology as my internet wasn't working. I don't have it with me, but I will upload it. Eventually.
ClearlyUnfocused wrote a letter to her year eight self in her last blog post, and I think I will do the same. Why? Because I screwed up a lot in past years and I think there are a lot of things I'd like to tell myself, even if only hypothetically.
Yeah. That's your name. It won't be for at least another year, but someone important to you will help you realise the awesomeness that is the name (and soap brand) "GoJo". Don't question it. Just go with it.
You're starting year eight. You're a new kid. You're no longer the school nerd. You aren't the vice captain or the school band leader or any of that. You're just a kid. A stranger to everyone else.
You won't really be the school nerd here. You're going to take a crack at being a bit more popular instead, as strange as that sounds. I'm going to say go for it, because it's a great learning experience, and you get to take a glimpse at a world that you'll never quite fit in with.
Here's something that I really, really needed to hear as a 13 year old. Something I think I knew, but didn't want to accept.
You won't see your old friends in the future, really. You'll see them once more. Just once.
Yeah. Once. That's it.
The only friend you will retain from primary school is one that you didn't actually talk to much throughout year 7. You won't talk to her much this year, either. But trust me when I say she becomes a lifeline later on. Her friendship will be unexpected. Don't reject it. I have little more to say. She will become your best friend.
This year is going to be messed up. You'll get a proper boyfriend. Really. The girl you start talking to about The Sims? She'll tease you about being flatchested, date the boy you will end up dating for a good two years and take away your first friend from this school.
But you won't hate her. You could never hate her, though I've no idea why. Don't worry about it. Just... don't look up to her. Don't try to be her. That's all the advice I can offer you here.
That first friend that ditches you for the girl above? The one you see on the bus? She's not worth your time. Don't bother with her. She will hurt you.
Don't give up saxophone. Look through your music. See the song Pineapple Custard Tango? The one you found really easy? Yeah, you fall behind so much that it becomes difficult. You struggle to relearn it. Don't let this happen. Please.
You used to be the band geek. I'm not anymore, but I'm certain that you can be.
There are two things I need to share. Desperately.
1. You will have a bout of self-harming about 3/4 of the way through the year. One of the girls will find out and only one person will defend you. Stick with him. For the love of God, please, stick with him. You'll need him desperately later. He's strange, he's childish, he's smart, he's naive... he's also strong, and kind, and the sort of person you'll want to rely on later. He'll need you a lot in the future. Do not forget how he defended you. He wouldn't hesitate to help you again. Never take that for granted.
Truly, he's the closest person you have to the friends you had in primary school. You want a friend who's dorky, nerdy and hilariously immature? Yeah, he's it. You know your two best friends from primary school? Yeah, he's both of them rolled into one, but so much more.
2. Look beyond your classroom. The people you connect with are not here. They are not in your form group.
I'm not saying you should disregard these guys completely. I definitely think you should date the dorky guitar-player. You'll have doubts now, but trust me when I say he is amazing. Befriend his friends, learn about them, because they'll get you through year 9. But once things fall apart with them (and trust me, your friendships will be shaky at best), you'll want to find others.
You will find them in the other class. Really.
Other things you need to know.
- Don't let peer pressure force you to do something you don't want to. The guy you will date for 2 years? He won't be your first kiss if you allow yourself to be pushed around by others. This hurts him more than you. Trust me.
- That said, don't become co-dependent. You don't need a boyfriend.
- Start building relationships now. You probably can't see it now, but Mum's mental state will deteriorate. Harshly. Your father will be a pillar of strength for you, but you'll also need your friends.
- Not everyone wants to hear about your love of video games and anime. That's how you lose a lot of friends in your first two years here, believe it or not. This is why you need to look towards the other class.
- Not everyone wants to read your fanfiction, either. For now, keep your online life and your school life separate.
- Don't let that blond chick get you down. Yeah, you're flatchested now, but her words will mean nothing later. Trust me, you'll get your boobs. Heh. That said, enjoy being flatchested while you can. It's difficult to climb trees or run around when you aren't.
- You're going to grow out of books. Yes. It's possible. I'm sorry. I am truly sorry. I don't know how to prevent this.
- Start looking at languages. I can't stress this enough. Hey, you know your anime? Imagine being able to watch it in the original language. Imagine playing Pokemon the way it was created. Imagine reading manga without relying on a translation.
Languages become very important to you later. Learn Japanese. Live it. Love it. Your great-grandmother, Oma, loved Italian. Adored it. Aunty V loves Italy. Go listen to Italian and get a feel for it. Start learning that too, if you'd like. Get a head start. One day, you'll want to base your careers off of language.
This year is going to be a rollercoaster. If it does end up anything like my first year (which, me being you, it will) then you will change friend groups a lot. You will date a couple of different guys. You will go to many parties. You will experience fights (both physical and emotional) and you will start to ignore your studies in favour of improving your social life. You will be hit on, and you will also be hit in a physical sense. You will be hated and insulted, but you will also be complimented and, in some rare cases, loved. You will learn to love yourself more, but you'll also learn to hate yourself a lot.
It will be a bumpy road, but it will be worth it.
And look, the first two years here really will teach you a lot. And year 10 will be hell. It will suck. You will hate it. But there's a light at the end of every tunnel.
This will mean nothing to you now, but read this section when you turn 15.
That pale kid who made the website? Yeah, the one who amazed you by spelling your last name correctly. Believe it or not, you really need to pay attention to him, because Science Club with him will be your only refuge for at least two terms. School will be terrible. Home will be terrible. Science Club will be enjoyable and one of the only times you will smile in the first half of this year. While you probably don't mean much to him, he will mean a lot to you for this (whether he knows it or not). There will come a time when you literally will have no one to sit with. He's the guy you'll see, and his group (featuring the rest of this list) will soon become your own.
You know those two girls in band? You spoke to them a few times in year 9. They will, with your insistence, start watching anime. Yes, you are not alone here. They will become your kindred spirits. They will be the girls you fangirl with. The ones you talk about music, television and crushes with. The ones you eventually look up to and trust with almost everything you have to say.
They become the replacements for your primary school friends, in the end. So you know how damn special they are. I don't need to elaborate any more than this.
The quiet violin player that your fellow choir member used to point out? He will help you get into languages. He will have so much in common with you. It'll take awhile before you really talk to him. No, he doesn't hate you, though you will think that at first. He's just quiet. Once you do start talking to him, you'll discover how alike you two really are. He's very open. He loves countries. He's so overly kind and considerate. Don't overlook him. Ever.
Be strong, ignore the bad things, learn to accept the good things and remember that life goes on.
I'm feeling pretty put down, to be honest. I've been putting myself down, and my mother has been making me feel terrible, and I dunno. I just feel really bad. So I've decided to try and... I dunno, figure stuff out. About me. About why I should feel bad about myself, but also (and more importantly) why I shouldn't.
It's all been pretty difficult. I probably haven't been the most exciting person to be around recently, so kudos to those who have tried to help and have asked what's wrong. Hell, this is aimed even to those that haven't really spoken to me about things, but have at least tried to be there for me. It means a lot.
Hm. Anyway. I've also been trying to figure out stuff with religion, because I don't really know what I believe in and I think I should probably start figuring that out.
I wrote a blog post about that today in Biology as my internet wasn't working. I don't have it with me, but I will upload it. Eventually.
ClearlyUnfocused wrote a letter to her year eight self in her last blog post, and I think I will do the same. Why? Because I screwed up a lot in past years and I think there are a lot of things I'd like to tell myself, even if only hypothetically.
***
GoJo,
Yeah. That's your name. It won't be for at least another year, but someone important to you will help you realise the awesomeness that is the name (and soap brand) "GoJo". Don't question it. Just go with it.
You're starting year eight. You're a new kid. You're no longer the school nerd. You aren't the vice captain or the school band leader or any of that. You're just a kid. A stranger to everyone else.
You won't really be the school nerd here. You're going to take a crack at being a bit more popular instead, as strange as that sounds. I'm going to say go for it, because it's a great learning experience, and you get to take a glimpse at a world that you'll never quite fit in with.
Here's something that I really, really needed to hear as a 13 year old. Something I think I knew, but didn't want to accept.
You won't see your old friends in the future, really. You'll see them once more. Just once.
Yeah. Once. That's it.
The only friend you will retain from primary school is one that you didn't actually talk to much throughout year 7. You won't talk to her much this year, either. But trust me when I say she becomes a lifeline later on. Her friendship will be unexpected. Don't reject it. I have little more to say. She will become your best friend.
This year is going to be messed up. You'll get a proper boyfriend. Really. The girl you start talking to about The Sims? She'll tease you about being flatchested, date the boy you will end up dating for a good two years and take away your first friend from this school.
But you won't hate her. You could never hate her, though I've no idea why. Don't worry about it. Just... don't look up to her. Don't try to be her. That's all the advice I can offer you here.
That first friend that ditches you for the girl above? The one you see on the bus? She's not worth your time. Don't bother with her. She will hurt you.
Don't give up saxophone. Look through your music. See the song Pineapple Custard Tango? The one you found really easy? Yeah, you fall behind so much that it becomes difficult. You struggle to relearn it. Don't let this happen. Please.
You used to be the band geek. I'm not anymore, but I'm certain that you can be.
There are two things I need to share. Desperately.
1. You will have a bout of self-harming about 3/4 of the way through the year. One of the girls will find out and only one person will defend you. Stick with him. For the love of God, please, stick with him. You'll need him desperately later. He's strange, he's childish, he's smart, he's naive... he's also strong, and kind, and the sort of person you'll want to rely on later. He'll need you a lot in the future. Do not forget how he defended you. He wouldn't hesitate to help you again. Never take that for granted.
Truly, he's the closest person you have to the friends you had in primary school. You want a friend who's dorky, nerdy and hilariously immature? Yeah, he's it. You know your two best friends from primary school? Yeah, he's both of them rolled into one, but so much more.
2. Look beyond your classroom. The people you connect with are not here. They are not in your form group.
I'm not saying you should disregard these guys completely. I definitely think you should date the dorky guitar-player. You'll have doubts now, but trust me when I say he is amazing. Befriend his friends, learn about them, because they'll get you through year 9. But once things fall apart with them (and trust me, your friendships will be shaky at best), you'll want to find others.
You will find them in the other class. Really.
Other things you need to know.
- Don't let peer pressure force you to do something you don't want to. The guy you will date for 2 years? He won't be your first kiss if you allow yourself to be pushed around by others. This hurts him more than you. Trust me.
- That said, don't become co-dependent. You don't need a boyfriend.
- Start building relationships now. You probably can't see it now, but Mum's mental state will deteriorate. Harshly. Your father will be a pillar of strength for you, but you'll also need your friends.
- Not everyone wants to hear about your love of video games and anime. That's how you lose a lot of friends in your first two years here, believe it or not. This is why you need to look towards the other class.
- Not everyone wants to read your fanfiction, either. For now, keep your online life and your school life separate.
- Don't let that blond chick get you down. Yeah, you're flatchested now, but her words will mean nothing later. Trust me, you'll get your boobs. Heh. That said, enjoy being flatchested while you can. It's difficult to climb trees or run around when you aren't.
- You're going to grow out of books. Yes. It's possible. I'm sorry. I am truly sorry. I don't know how to prevent this.
- Start looking at languages. I can't stress this enough. Hey, you know your anime? Imagine being able to watch it in the original language. Imagine playing Pokemon the way it was created. Imagine reading manga without relying on a translation.
Languages become very important to you later. Learn Japanese. Live it. Love it. Your great-grandmother, Oma, loved Italian. Adored it. Aunty V loves Italy. Go listen to Italian and get a feel for it. Start learning that too, if you'd like. Get a head start. One day, you'll want to base your careers off of language.
This year is going to be a rollercoaster. If it does end up anything like my first year (which, me being you, it will) then you will change friend groups a lot. You will date a couple of different guys. You will go to many parties. You will experience fights (both physical and emotional) and you will start to ignore your studies in favour of improving your social life. You will be hit on, and you will also be hit in a physical sense. You will be hated and insulted, but you will also be complimented and, in some rare cases, loved. You will learn to love yourself more, but you'll also learn to hate yourself a lot.
It will be a bumpy road, but it will be worth it.
And look, the first two years here really will teach you a lot. And year 10 will be hell. It will suck. You will hate it. But there's a light at the end of every tunnel.
This will mean nothing to you now, but read this section when you turn 15.
That pale kid who made the website? Yeah, the one who amazed you by spelling your last name correctly. Believe it or not, you really need to pay attention to him, because Science Club with him will be your only refuge for at least two terms. School will be terrible. Home will be terrible. Science Club will be enjoyable and one of the only times you will smile in the first half of this year. While you probably don't mean much to him, he will mean a lot to you for this (whether he knows it or not). There will come a time when you literally will have no one to sit with. He's the guy you'll see, and his group (featuring the rest of this list) will soon become your own.
You know those two girls in band? You spoke to them a few times in year 9. They will, with your insistence, start watching anime. Yes, you are not alone here. They will become your kindred spirits. They will be the girls you fangirl with. The ones you talk about music, television and crushes with. The ones you eventually look up to and trust with almost everything you have to say.
They become the replacements for your primary school friends, in the end. So you know how damn special they are. I don't need to elaborate any more than this.
The quiet violin player that your fellow choir member used to point out? He will help you get into languages. He will have so much in common with you. It'll take awhile before you really talk to him. No, he doesn't hate you, though you will think that at first. He's just quiet. Once you do start talking to him, you'll discover how alike you two really are. He's very open. He loves countries. He's so overly kind and considerate. Don't overlook him. Ever.
Be strong, ignore the bad things, learn to accept the good things and remember that life goes on.
Aug 9, 2011
The Random Thoughts of Today
So one of my friends told everyone to blog today. I have nothing to blog about. So I will write all sorts of random thoughts that I've had over the course of the day.
I received my Maths assignment. The teacher said is was easy. I started counting the pages and stopped after 10.
Excuse me, I don't care how easy it is, something that takes that much paper is going to be tedious and horrible. Don't get my hopes up by saying it's simple.
He also said it wouldn't take me too long. Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
Anyway. I came home early today due to being sick again. I planned on going to bed. No, really, I did. I wanted to sleep and get over this.
I just, you know, wanted to check Twitter and Tumblr first.
It was a slippery slope. I started by reading a few things, and next thing I knew I had 18 tabs open and 3 hours had passed. Damn it, interwebs.
I couldn't help it though. I didn't know about these riots around England until I got home, so I started looking up the stories. And by the time I'd finished reading about these (surprisingly scary sounding) riots, I'd totally forgotten about going to bed.
40 pages of Tumblr later, and there was no longer any point to sleeping. I mean, once it hits a certain point in the afternoon, I can't nap without finding it impossible to sleep that night. Oh well.
A week ago, our English teacher told us all what grades he thought we should have at the least. He told me A+.
...I haven't had an A+ since year... 10? 9? Something like that. Usually I get an A-. I think I had a B+ once last year.
...Good to know that he's realised that my assignments are usually completed the morning they're due and aren't really a true reflection of my abilities, I guess.
Okay, so I'm now cleaning my room. I was going to watch Supernatural, and then I was going to browse Google Earth, but I've ended up cleaning. How did this happen? I have no idea. But anyway.
I took a bag to the bin earlier. Like, one of those huge black bags that you could fit 20 cats in. I don't know why I'm measuring in cats, but you get what I mean. And that was just stuff I'd found under my desk. My room is a mess. Anyway. The bin was covered in tiny little flying bugs. It was terrifying. I've never run away from something so fast in my life. And now I'm worried that I have bugs in my hair. It was terrible.
I have erasers that are shaped like different types of sushi on my desk. They're pretty awesome. Also, I have 962 379 steps total on my Pokewalker. Speaking of which, I haven't used my Pokewalker at all today, and yet I seem to have 10 steps.
How?
How?
I don't even.
I was going to advertise a song here but the title is in Katakana and I don't have a Japanese typing thing on this computer. I could type it on the laptop, but that'd involve opening Blogger on there and I am much too lazy to do that. Oh well. I will advertise it later.
Download Helper (the Firefox add-on) is being a bitch. It keeps stopping half way through a download and is all "download complete" but when I watch the video I'll see maybe 10 minutes before it cuts out. Pfft. Finished my ass.
That saying makes no sense whatsoever.
My Extension English teacher asked if I was enjoying my book. And, for the first time in a long while, I was able to say that yes, I was enjoying a book that I had to choose for English. Quite a lot, actually. It's very stream-of-consciousness styled, and I like that. It's also an existentialist novel, which increases my love for it tenfold. It's also very pessimistic and funny and hey, who doesn't like self-depreciative humour?
The book is Notes From Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, for anyone who is interested. It is beautiful and absolutely horrid all at once. A brilliant piece of work, I must say.
I had this conversation with Dad after going to a university open day.
Dad: So, I assume you're studying in Japan abroad? I think it'd really help you become fluent in the language.
Me: Heh. Yeah...
Dad: ...you seem tentative?
Me: I... I kinda really massively want to travel to Italy instead...
Dad: Japanese is your main language, though.
Me: Yes but... well, Italy is beautiful and the language is amazing and I love pasta and they have so much art and everyone I know who has traveled loved Italy and if I went to Italy then everything would be Italian and nothing would hurt-
Dad: Look, I understand. Sort of. Well, I can try to understand, and I still think you should go to Japan. Wasn't Japanese -> English translations your ambition? Do you love Italian television and media enough to translate it?
Me: ...Stop being logical. I want to go to Italy. Damn it.
I've stopped cleaning my room and now I feel guilty. But I am a sentimental fool and don't want to throw everything out. Like birthday cards! I hate throwing them out. I get like, 10 a year, and I feel the urge to collect every single one.
I had to take the cash out (found another $50 note!!! Grandma ily), close my eyes, throw the card away and pretend that it didn't happen. Yeah.
18th birthday in 5 months and 11 days. I'd better get a lot of cash from that one. Loljks I'd rather not have a birthday at all. I feel so old. Aren't I supposed to start worrying about age when I'm 30 or 40? I don't want to have responsibility and stuff. I want to be a child forever.
DAMN IT DOWNLOAD HELPER. THE LAST VIDEO THAT WORKED WAS OVER 150 MBS. THIS ONE IS ONLY 6. I AM NOT A FOOL. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE LYING. YOU DO NOT LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME. YOU ARE NOT HELPING. YOU'RE BARELY EVEN DOWNLOADING.
My desktop wall paper is of the Master Sword. I wish I could delete all memories of the Zelda franchise so that I can re-experience it all over again. That would be amazing.
Everyone who has ever been in a fandom needs to read this. Yes. This. Let me post it once more: http://hesychasm.livejournal.com/187818.html
"Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime."
"[...]Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason.
Fandom is where you found yourself."
Yes yes yes.
Hey soulmate let me love you~
I think Fandom is where I discovered other people just like me, and that probably got me through the hell that was year 8 and year 10.
Really. I don't think anything, or anyone, else could have helped as much as the strangers I'd met on the internet.
That seems strange. Oh well. What, pray tell, is 'normal'? Why focus on the supposedly normal things? It's the strange oddities in life that make it interesting, no?
Pfft I'm going into a weird, almost-but-not-quite-philosophical mood. I'm going to stop before I start ranting or writing weird things. Oh no, your subconscious is showing.
I shall return to cleaning my room. I'd proof-read this but I will realise how totally random and terrible it is, and then it won't get posted. So if you see any grammatical errors, or spelling errors, or just errors in general, then please, get the fuck over it. K thanks ^^
Blow into this paperbag, go home, stop grinning at everyone.
Paperbag Writer - Radiohead♥♪
I received my Maths assignment. The teacher said is was easy. I started counting the pages and stopped after 10.
Excuse me, I don't care how easy it is, something that takes that much paper is going to be tedious and horrible. Don't get my hopes up by saying it's simple.
He also said it wouldn't take me too long. Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
Anyway. I came home early today due to being sick again. I planned on going to bed. No, really, I did. I wanted to sleep and get over this.
I just, you know, wanted to check Twitter and Tumblr first.
It was a slippery slope. I started by reading a few things, and next thing I knew I had 18 tabs open and 3 hours had passed. Damn it, interwebs.
I couldn't help it though. I didn't know about these riots around England until I got home, so I started looking up the stories. And by the time I'd finished reading about these (surprisingly scary sounding) riots, I'd totally forgotten about going to bed.
40 pages of Tumblr later, and there was no longer any point to sleeping. I mean, once it hits a certain point in the afternoon, I can't nap without finding it impossible to sleep that night. Oh well.
A week ago, our English teacher told us all what grades he thought we should have at the least. He told me A+.
...I haven't had an A+ since year... 10? 9? Something like that. Usually I get an A-. I think I had a B+ once last year.
...Good to know that he's realised that my assignments are usually completed the morning they're due and aren't really a true reflection of my abilities, I guess.
Okay, so I'm now cleaning my room. I was going to watch Supernatural, and then I was going to browse Google Earth, but I've ended up cleaning. How did this happen? I have no idea. But anyway.
I took a bag to the bin earlier. Like, one of those huge black bags that you could fit 20 cats in. I don't know why I'm measuring in cats, but you get what I mean. And that was just stuff I'd found under my desk. My room is a mess. Anyway. The bin was covered in tiny little flying bugs. It was terrifying. I've never run away from something so fast in my life. And now I'm worried that I have bugs in my hair. It was terrible.
I have erasers that are shaped like different types of sushi on my desk. They're pretty awesome. Also, I have 962 379 steps total on my Pokewalker. Speaking of which, I haven't used my Pokewalker at all today, and yet I seem to have 10 steps.
How?
How?
I don't even.
I was going to advertise a song here but the title is in Katakana and I don't have a Japanese typing thing on this computer. I could type it on the laptop, but that'd involve opening Blogger on there and I am much too lazy to do that. Oh well. I will advertise it later.
Download Helper (the Firefox add-on) is being a bitch. It keeps stopping half way through a download and is all "download complete" but when I watch the video I'll see maybe 10 minutes before it cuts out. Pfft. Finished my ass.
That saying makes no sense whatsoever.
My Extension English teacher asked if I was enjoying my book. And, for the first time in a long while, I was able to say that yes, I was enjoying a book that I had to choose for English. Quite a lot, actually. It's very stream-of-consciousness styled, and I like that. It's also an existentialist novel, which increases my love for it tenfold. It's also very pessimistic and funny and hey, who doesn't like self-depreciative humour?
The book is Notes From Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, for anyone who is interested. It is beautiful and absolutely horrid all at once. A brilliant piece of work, I must say.
I had this conversation with Dad after going to a university open day.
Dad: So, I assume you're studying in Japan abroad? I think it'd really help you become fluent in the language.
Me: Heh. Yeah...
Dad: ...you seem tentative?
Me: I... I kinda really massively want to travel to Italy instead...
Dad: Japanese is your main language, though.
Me: Yes but... well, Italy is beautiful and the language is amazing and I love pasta and they have so much art and everyone I know who has traveled loved Italy and if I went to Italy then everything would be Italian and nothing would hurt-
Dad: Look, I understand. Sort of. Well, I can try to understand, and I still think you should go to Japan. Wasn't Japanese -> English translations your ambition? Do you love Italian television and media enough to translate it?
Me: ...Stop being logical. I want to go to Italy. Damn it.
I've stopped cleaning my room and now I feel guilty. But I am a sentimental fool and don't want to throw everything out. Like birthday cards! I hate throwing them out. I get like, 10 a year, and I feel the urge to collect every single one.
I had to take the cash out (found another $50 note!!! Grandma ily), close my eyes, throw the card away and pretend that it didn't happen. Yeah.
18th birthday in 5 months and 11 days. I'd better get a lot of cash from that one. Loljks I'd rather not have a birthday at all. I feel so old. Aren't I supposed to start worrying about age when I'm 30 or 40? I don't want to have responsibility and stuff. I want to be a child forever.
DAMN IT DOWNLOAD HELPER. THE LAST VIDEO THAT WORKED WAS OVER 150 MBS. THIS ONE IS ONLY 6. I AM NOT A FOOL. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE LYING. YOU DO NOT LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME. YOU ARE NOT HELPING. YOU'RE BARELY EVEN DOWNLOADING.
My desktop wall paper is of the Master Sword. I wish I could delete all memories of the Zelda franchise so that I can re-experience it all over again. That would be amazing.
Everyone who has ever been in a fandom needs to read this. Yes. This. Let me post it once more: http://hesychasm.livejournal.com/187818.html
"Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime."
"[...]Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason.
Fandom is where you found yourself."
Yes yes yes.
Hey soulmate let me love you~
I think Fandom is where I discovered other people just like me, and that probably got me through the hell that was year 8 and year 10.
Really. I don't think anything, or anyone, else could have helped as much as the strangers I'd met on the internet.
That seems strange. Oh well. What, pray tell, is 'normal'? Why focus on the supposedly normal things? It's the strange oddities in life that make it interesting, no?
Pfft I'm going into a weird, almost-but-not-quite-philosophical mood. I'm going to stop before I start ranting or writing weird things. Oh no, your subconscious is showing.
I shall return to cleaning my room. I'd proof-read this but I will realise how totally random and terrible it is, and then it won't get posted. So if you see any grammatical errors, or spelling errors, or just errors in general, then please, get the fuck over it. K thanks ^^
Blow into this paperbag, go home, stop grinning at everyone.
Paperbag Writer - Radiohead♥♪
Aug 2, 2011
Brutal Honesty Hour
I stole this from Tumblr. So, you know, the questions aren't all supposed to be answered in a list like this, but whatever. I feel like answering random mundane questions about myself because I am very self-centred like that. WHOOO.
A - If I'm in love and a description who I love
No, actually. I don't think I like anyone right now. At least, no one that isn't a fictional character.
B - Who was the last person who I talked with on the phone.
My Mum. I am awesome and social like that.
C - What, if anything, am I afraid of
Ohh, okay, fears. Mirrors, especially at night. Windows at night as well. I'm okay in the dark otherwise, so long as I can't see any windows or mirrors. Oh God, I hate mirrors.
I also hate spiders. But I think everyone does.
D - If I have prefer boys or girls and what do I find attractive
I prefer boys, but I certainly don't rule girls out. Uh, physically... I don't care all that much, so long as the person isn't obese. Mentally... I like a good sense of humour and the ability to type in punctuated English. Having an interest in fandom is also a plus.
E - How many piercings do I have
I have 2. I plan to have a third by the end of the year, as long as I don't chicken out.
F - Give me options, like 'Do you prefer it hot or cold?'
Right, well, this isn't Tumblr, so I guess I'll give myself options
Hot or Cold: Cold, as a general rule.
Nintendo or Sony: Pfft, I kinda asked myself this just to be all NINTENDO FTW. Moving on.
Salt or Sugar: Salt.
Day or Night: Night.
Tumblr or Facebook or Twitter or LJ: Too many ors, not enough commas. Anyway, uh, Tumblr.
G - The last person I said 'I love you' to.
Probably one of my friends.
H - The last person I hugged.
Um... Tenuto Tuo, I think ^_^
I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.
Pfft, today. Why? Just a... discussion some friends were having about someone I used to like. Awkwardsauce. Not that I like him anymore, just... yeah...
J - How old I am.
17
K - What is my full name.
LOL NO.
L - If I have siblings.
Yes, a sister. I technically have two brothers but neither survived very long after birth...
M - If I forgive people
Yes. And no. Depends on the person, what they did wrong and how sorry they are about it.
N - How do I treat my friends.
I think I treat them pretty badly, but most people tell me I treat my friends alright, so...
O - If I like my school.
Yes. Well, no, I don't, but I think I hate it less than the other schools in the area, so...
P - What kind of music I like.
Indie, rock, prog. rock, grunge, punk, experimental... I guess pop as well. I like a lot of styles...
Q - What was the last party I went to, and when will the next one be.
I don't know... Probably a family one... Next one... uh... there's one this Saturday...
R - 10 Things I'm curious about
Uh, um, damn, okay. Let me think.
1. A lot of world history. Too much to learn, too little time.
2. How we first started to develop languages (and why most other animals have not done the same).
3. How the human mind truly works.
4. How the rest of the world views my country and language.
5. What the colours we can't see look like.
6. What could be terrible enough to cause me to snap completely.
7. What causes people to procrastinate.
8. Why some things are considered boring and others are not (what makes them boring?)
9. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
10. What all my possible futures could be if I make different decisions from this point onwards.
S - Favorite band/movie/TV show.
Band: Radiohead
Movie: Uh... The Lion King lol
TV Show: ...none?
T - 5 things I love unconditionally.
Things? Not people? How can you love a thing conditionally? It's a thing.
Whatever. Here are 5 things/people I love a lot.
1. Many of my relatives (not all, awkwardly enough)
2. Music. I will always adore music.
3. Internet communities. I don't even need to be an active member. It's awesome enough to browse them.
4. A few of my friends.
5. The Nintendo 64.
U - Favorite actor/actress.
Er... My favourite VA in Japanese is Noriaki Sugiyama and my (current) favourite English VA is Todd Haberkorn... I don't really have a favourite proper actor/actress...
V - 3 big dreams
To work for Nintendo ♥♥♥
Live in Venice for a number of years and not feel the desperate need to use a car
Be a VA for something. Anything.
X - If I've done something I regretted a lot.
Yes. And no. There are things I wish went differently, but I wouldn't change most of them. I am who I am because of what's happened, right?
W - An idol.
Koji Kondo♥
Y - If I like my town and why.
I suppose. It's not exactly high end (lol who am I kidding, I don't live in a good area) but... well, I know it rather well, and I've always lived here, so... I do like this place, yeah.
Z - Ask any questions you want.
Lol wut this isn't Tumblr.
A - If I'm in love and a description who I love
No, actually. I don't think I like anyone right now. At least, no one that isn't a fictional character.
B - Who was the last person who I talked with on the phone.
My Mum. I am awesome and social like that.
C - What, if anything, am I afraid of
Ohh, okay, fears. Mirrors, especially at night. Windows at night as well. I'm okay in the dark otherwise, so long as I can't see any windows or mirrors. Oh God, I hate mirrors.
I also hate spiders. But I think everyone does.
D - If I have prefer boys or girls and what do I find attractive
I prefer boys, but I certainly don't rule girls out. Uh, physically... I don't care all that much, so long as the person isn't obese. Mentally... I like a good sense of humour and the ability to type in punctuated English. Having an interest in fandom is also a plus.
E - How many piercings do I have
I have 2. I plan to have a third by the end of the year, as long as I don't chicken out.
F - Give me options, like 'Do you prefer it hot or cold?'
Right, well, this isn't Tumblr, so I guess I'll give myself options
Hot or Cold: Cold, as a general rule.
Nintendo or Sony: Pfft, I kinda asked myself this just to be all NINTENDO FTW. Moving on.
Salt or Sugar: Salt.
Day or Night: Night.
Tumblr or Facebook or Twitter or LJ: Too many ors, not enough commas. Anyway, uh, Tumblr.
G - The last person I said 'I love you' to.
Probably one of my friends.
H - The last person I hugged.
Um... Tenuto Tuo, I think ^_^
I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.
Pfft, today. Why? Just a... discussion some friends were having about someone I used to like. Awkwardsauce. Not that I like him anymore, just... yeah...
J - How old I am.
17
K - What is my full name.
LOL NO.
L - If I have siblings.
Yes, a sister. I technically have two brothers but neither survived very long after birth...
M - If I forgive people
Yes. And no. Depends on the person, what they did wrong and how sorry they are about it.
N - How do I treat my friends.
I think I treat them pretty badly, but most people tell me I treat my friends alright, so...
O - If I like my school.
Yes. Well, no, I don't, but I think I hate it less than the other schools in the area, so...
P - What kind of music I like.
Indie, rock, prog. rock, grunge, punk, experimental... I guess pop as well. I like a lot of styles...
Q - What was the last party I went to, and when will the next one be.
I don't know... Probably a family one... Next one... uh... there's one this Saturday...
R - 10 Things I'm curious about
Uh, um, damn, okay. Let me think.
1. A lot of world history. Too much to learn, too little time.
2. How we first started to develop languages (and why most other animals have not done the same).
3. How the human mind truly works.
4. How the rest of the world views my country and language.
5. What the colours we can't see look like.
6. What could be terrible enough to cause me to snap completely.
7. What causes people to procrastinate.
8. Why some things are considered boring and others are not (what makes them boring?)
9. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
10. What all my possible futures could be if I make different decisions from this point onwards.
S - Favorite band/movie/TV show.
Band: Radiohead
Movie: Uh... The Lion King lol
TV Show: ...none?
T - 5 things I love unconditionally.
Things? Not people? How can you love a thing conditionally? It's a thing.
Whatever. Here are 5 things/people I love a lot.
1. Many of my relatives (not all, awkwardly enough)
2. Music. I will always adore music.
3. Internet communities. I don't even need to be an active member. It's awesome enough to browse them.
4. A few of my friends.
5. The Nintendo 64.
U - Favorite actor/actress.
Er... My favourite VA in Japanese is Noriaki Sugiyama and my (current) favourite English VA is Todd Haberkorn... I don't really have a favourite proper actor/actress...
V - 3 big dreams
To work for Nintendo ♥♥♥
Live in Venice for a number of years and not feel the desperate need to use a car
Be a VA for something. Anything.
X - If I've done something I regretted a lot.
Yes. And no. There are things I wish went differently, but I wouldn't change most of them. I am who I am because of what's happened, right?
W - An idol.
Koji Kondo♥
Y - If I like my town and why.
I suppose. It's not exactly high end (lol who am I kidding, I don't live in a good area) but... well, I know it rather well, and I've always lived here, so... I do like this place, yeah.
Z - Ask any questions you want.
Lol wut this isn't Tumblr.
I Should Be Used to All This
Me: Hey, Grandma (Dad's mum) sent a postcard to Dad from Canada. I wonder why it didn't arrive with ours?
Mum: I didn't get one.
Me: ...mm.
Mum: Fucking rude bitch.
Me: Excuse me? She isn't your mother.
Mum: That's hardly the point.
Oh for God's sake, woman. Your husband's mother sent him a postcard. Get over it. Your jealousy knows no bounds.
You know, I can understand her being upset. But, really, I don't want to hear her swearing about other family members. Being family, I feel like I need to defend them. But then I'd be defending them from another family member, which makes me feel like I'm taking sides. I don't want to do that.
Still cleaning my room. I have newfound inspiration to throw everything out, now. When I can afford to move out, I won't need to worry about packing, because I'll have very little. That's the plan. Brb shoving all the junk in my cupboard into a garbage bag.
I really think the main thing that keeps me going is the fact that one day, I can move out. I know she'll sob and ask me to stay. I know she'll pretend that the last few years were of no consequence. That's fine. I'll still leave.
The thing that keeps me going is that, one day, I'll be able to turn to her and say fuck you. I'm not putting up with your bullshit anymore and leave.
Pffft I can hear her talking to Dad about me now. This should annoy me but I'm bitching about her too so whatever.
I think Dad's defending me. ♥
...I shouldn't blog when in a bad mood. It just turns out whiny and emo-sounding. My day wasn't that bad. I have a terrible headache and my motivation for school still hasn't returned, but... well, it didn't completely suck.
On another note, some guy was hitting on me at the shops today. I was waiting for Mum and he came and sat next to me. I could've moved away, but I didn't want to be rude, and he was a big, scary guy and I kinda wanted to stay as still as possible and hope he didn't notice me (oh, fear, how little sense you make). So I didn't move. He decided to talk to me.
All I learnt about him was that he plays football and is currently here on a visa. The rest of the conversation was, unfortunately, centred on me. He asked me a bunch of questions (we didn't have a proper conversation. I was a little too terrified to say much) like "what are you studying", " have you ever traveled" and "do you have a boyfriend".
Me: No.
Him: Why not?
Me: Ah... I don't know. They don't like me? Heh, nah, I dunno, I guess it's not really a good time to focus on relationships anyway.
Him: Yeah, I guess. I bet you're too good for them anyway. Hey, do you have facebook? Can I add you?
...er.
I mean, I feel flattered. He spoke to me for a whole hour about... well, everything. For no reason. It was... odd, but nice. I still feel kinda creeped out that this guy just started talking to me though.
The end of the conversation was kinda fun.
Him: You're quiet.
Me: Hm? Ah, sorry.
Him: Are you scared of me?
Me: ...uh? I, um, not... not really. It's just... I don't talk to strangers often. I don't know what to say.
Him: You can say anything to me. I do understand though.
Me: Hm. It's kinda awkward.
Him: Yeah. A little.
This is why I'll never be able to pick up guys. Never.
Mum: I didn't get one.
Me: ...mm.
Mum: Fucking rude bitch.
Me: Excuse me? She isn't your mother.
Mum: That's hardly the point.
Oh for God's sake, woman. Your husband's mother sent him a postcard. Get over it. Your jealousy knows no bounds.
You know, I can understand her being upset. But, really, I don't want to hear her swearing about other family members. Being family, I feel like I need to defend them. But then I'd be defending them from another family member, which makes me feel like I'm taking sides. I don't want to do that.
Still cleaning my room. I have newfound inspiration to throw everything out, now. When I can afford to move out, I won't need to worry about packing, because I'll have very little. That's the plan. Brb shoving all the junk in my cupboard into a garbage bag.
I really think the main thing that keeps me going is the fact that one day, I can move out. I know she'll sob and ask me to stay. I know she'll pretend that the last few years were of no consequence. That's fine. I'll still leave.
The thing that keeps me going is that, one day, I'll be able to turn to her and say fuck you. I'm not putting up with your bullshit anymore and leave.
Pffft I can hear her talking to Dad about me now. This should annoy me but I'm bitching about her too so whatever.
I think Dad's defending me. ♥
...I shouldn't blog when in a bad mood. It just turns out whiny and emo-sounding. My day wasn't that bad. I have a terrible headache and my motivation for school still hasn't returned, but... well, it didn't completely suck.
On another note, some guy was hitting on me at the shops today. I was waiting for Mum and he came and sat next to me. I could've moved away, but I didn't want to be rude, and he was a big, scary guy and I kinda wanted to stay as still as possible and hope he didn't notice me (oh, fear, how little sense you make). So I didn't move. He decided to talk to me.
All I learnt about him was that he plays football and is currently here on a visa. The rest of the conversation was, unfortunately, centred on me. He asked me a bunch of questions (we didn't have a proper conversation. I was a little too terrified to say much) like "what are you studying", " have you ever traveled" and "do you have a boyfriend".
Me: No.
Him: Why not?
Me: Ah... I don't know. They don't like me? Heh, nah, I dunno, I guess it's not really a good time to focus on relationships anyway.
Him: Yeah, I guess. I bet you're too good for them anyway. Hey, do you have facebook? Can I add you?
...er.
I mean, I feel flattered. He spoke to me for a whole hour about... well, everything. For no reason. It was... odd, but nice. I still feel kinda creeped out that this guy just started talking to me though.
The end of the conversation was kinda fun.
Him: You're quiet.
Me: Hm? Ah, sorry.
Him: Are you scared of me?
Me: ...uh? I, um, not... not really. It's just... I don't talk to strangers often. I don't know what to say.
Him: You can say anything to me. I do understand though.
Me: Hm. It's kinda awkward.
Him: Yeah. A little.
This is why I'll never be able to pick up guys. Never.
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