Good Fandom. Best Friend.

I've been into Homestuck (as you can tell from the title here) and Harry Potter recently, but ended up getting into the Hetalia Halloween event anyway. I joined late, but didn't miss too much, and spent the last 4 or 5 days refreshing for updates.

After all the bitching and hate towards Hetalia, I had forgotten how amazing the fandom really could be. Everyone is just so excited over this event and I expect them to remain so over the next few days. It all feels pretty positive. And after a few people complained over the USUK hints, the LJ comm had this huge lovefest. Someone would name a ship and people would come to talk about it and why they loved it.

There was little hate, and the comments that were hate-filled were primarily ignored. It was brilliant. There weren't many shipping wars or anything (I saw some complaints on Tumblr, but they were few and far between) and everything was really jovial and lighthearted. And accepting. I like to think that we managed to really sidestep the "all hetafags are assholes" theory that I keep seeing around the 'net.

I mustered up the courage to post on LJ, and ended up talking to a few people on there. It was pretty sweet.

So yeah, I'm feeling pretty positive. The whole event was really good. The newest appearance, India, is looking damn fine. Prussia was epic, and Romano... wow, ahahaha. It was nice to see him acting a little more affectionate towards Spain as well. Moreso than usual, I believe.

The UKUS shipper in me is also rejoicing. It did not escape my notice that Batman and Robin are one of the most ambiguously gay superhero pairs out there, and that America specifically searched out England to dress up with him. Come on, that's just... maybe I'm looking too far into it, but damn I ship them so hard right now.

I'm going to be in a very Hetalia-oriented frame of mind for the next few days.

2011 Autumn Anime Season

I've started watching a number of anime this season. Usually I only watch one or two, but I'm going all out this season since my school work-load should be significantly smaller.
...The key word here being should, of course. Let's just hope I'm right in making that assumption.

Anyway, Over the course of today (or, well, yesterday, since it's an hour into tomorrow, technically) I've watched C3, Maji De Watashi Ni Koi Shinasai!!, Kimi to Boku and Tamayura: Hitotose. The first episode of Boku Wa Tomodachi Ga Sukunai was subbed not long ago, so I'll watch that in the morning, while Mirai Nikki and Guilty Crown should be airing within the next week or so.

First opinions? Well, C3 (Cube X Cursed X Curious) is... uhm... different. I expected a lot from the synopsis. Anything that mentions curses that many times must be good, right? Hm, well, the first episode really disappointed me. Too much fanservice (panty-shots in general are just bleh for me, and the amount in this show is astonishing) and badly placed humour for a show about curses and things like that. I expected it to be dark. It wasn't. At all.
I'll watch the second episode, but I'm not holding my breath on it being worthwhile, to be honest.

Tamayura: Hitotose is a slice-of-life type anime. I think it's kinda dull, but at the same time... it's captivating. The girls are all very sweet and have really different hobbies and personalities, from what I've seen, and I think it could turn into something pretty good. The music and slow pace could be a bit boring for some but I did enjoy it, so I'll be going back.

Kimi to Boku was one of the anime I was looking forward to the most. Too many slice-of-life shows feature a group of girls, so I was looking forward to a group of guys for once.
It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. That's all I really have to say on it. I'm kinda looking forward to the next episode of this one as well.

Maji De Watashi Ni Koi Shinasai!! is the one that impressed me the most. I wasn't expecting it to, actually. I quite liked the faux-war thing, and how the girls and guys were all fighting equally for once. There's some ship tease here, but that doesn't seem to be the overarching plot. Even so, I really liked this one.
It has loads and loads of characters though, which tends to confuse me. But hey, apart from that, I'm intrigued by this one. This is one I'm definitely going to continue with.

I don't even know why I want to watch Boku Wa Tomodachi Ga Sukunai. It's something about the characters, rather than the show itself, I think. Mirai Nikki interests me because it's dark, has supernatural elements and features some sort of battle-to-the-death thing. Actually, from what I've read, it seems kinda similar to The Hunger Games, only with supernatural stuff added to it. Anyway, nothing else is very dark at all out of the shows I'm interested in, so this'll be a nice addition to my anime-I-must-watch list.
I have very little knowledge about Guilty Crown but the trailers look damn interesting. It's airing on noitaminA as well, which is always a plus. It usually shows a lot of deep, complex and/or dark anime, which is always good.

So, overall? So far only Maji De Watashi Ni Koi Shinasai!! has really impressed me, though I hold hope for both Tamayura: Hitotose and Kimi to Boku. C3 was... pretty terrible. Maybe it'll get better.
I'm massively looking forward to both Mirai Nikki and Guilty Crown because a girl needs her dark-violent anime in her life, right? And hell, they actually really do look intriguing. Maybe it won't entertain me as much as Death Note but perhaps they'll come close?
I have no real thoughts on Boku Wa Tomodachi Ga Sukunai. Looks interesting, but I haven't really given it much thought nor have I looked into it much. Let's just see how it goes.

Random Inexplicable Illness

I woke up early this morning to continue working on an assignment. I was fine at first, but not long after my parents got up, I started to feel terrible and perhaps a little apprehensive. I had the urge to move, and the more I sat still, the worse I felt. The urge to throw up only left after I stood up and paced the hallway.

I feel very, very sick, and I don’t believe it’s the usual, physical kind of sick. If that were the case, I’d most likely need to stay lying down, or, depending on what I had, either eat more, or eat less. I’m fine eating. I don’t feel hungry, or not hungry. There’s nothing else really wrong with me unless you count the return of my insomnia or this weird apprehension that’s settled in my stomach. It doesn’t feel like the weird digestion problems I usually have. It doesn’t feel like anything I’ve ever had before, to be honest.

No, this illness is different. I just need to move, otherwise I feel queasy and the apprehension sets in strongly, to the point of genuine fear. Of what I’m scared of, I have no clue. Relations with my parents are surprisingly good at the moment. I’m procrastinating at school, but that’s never worried me before. I’ve always been prepared to face an E grade because, with how late I start things, I’ve always known there’d be a high chance of it. Hell, I’ve had plenty of E's in the past. So I’m not scared about failing this assignment.

The only thing I can think of is this soloists concert tonight that I’m playing at, but I’ve never felt scared of playing this early before I go on stage. Usually I don’t feel a thing until I’m almost ready to face the audience. That’s when I start shaking and panicking, of course, but... there’s almost 12 hours before I go perform (as of the time I started writing this) and... I feel really, really scared.

It’s weird. And the fear is just making the sickness worse, and that sickness seems to intensify said fear. If this doesn’t let up, I’m hardly going to be able to do my assignment or perform, so the timing of this is splendid.

I need to move but I can’t, because I need to work and that involves sitting at a desk. There’s nothing I can do about that.

I’m wondering where the hell all this weirdness is coming from, and if any of my emotions are linked to this. Gradually over the last two years I’ve become complacent, uncaring and bored with everything. Over the last few weeks I’ve felt the trust I always had between myself and both friends and family decline dramatically. Even my Dad isn’t immune to this. He’s someone that I’ve always held in an extremely high regard, someone I’ve always looked up to and trusted with all my heart. Now I find myself questioning everything he says and avoiding eye contact. Why?

I don’t think its paranoia, per se, because I certainly don’t think he wants to do anything bad to me. I don’t think anyone I know wants to harm me, and if they did it’d be talking behind my back (something I know happens anyway, and I’ve never cared before), so I'm certain it's not related to that.

I can’t sleep, I can’t focus, I can’t keep myself trusting, I can’t speak to anyone about it, and I’m starting to think that I actually feel legitimately sick because of it.

I still have no explanation for this massive fear, though. I have never felt anything like this before. Not like the fear on a roller coaster or something. It’s just this steady, building feeling that something terrible is going to happen and I know it, but I can’t consciously grab onto whatever it is that I know about. And the longer I wait, the worse I feel.

I’d talk to people, but of the people I usually talk to, half of them are oddly happy right now, and the other half are seriously not. I don’t want to ruin that happiness, and I certainly don’t want to impose on someone who’s already upset about something. So I’m not sure who I’d talk to about this. Once again, amazing timing on my part.

I just... I’m scared. And I don’t know why. I’m sick, tired and scared, and I can’t control it. I can’t just tell myself it’s fine, because it’s not.

I am not in the right frame of mind to do work right now, but it’s the start of term. I can hardly give up already.

I don’t even know what the hell is wrong with me anymore.

Do You Ever Get the Urge to Just Run, Run and Get Gone?

I promised Lainey that I'd upload my post on my own religious views and other things that have been plaguing my mind recently, but I haven't really finished it. I still don't know what I think about life. I dunno if I'm just doing this soul searching thing incorrectly or what, but I'm kinda struggling. The post is half done, but not really finished and I can't bring myself to post it just yet.

I'm not sure I believe in anything, to be honest. I think there are supernatural forces, but I don't know what and I'm certainly not going to put any trust into them. I just believe in, you know, people, animals, the stuff we can see... I think we're connected, but by a God? I don't know. I just don't know. I wish I did.

I don't think anyone knows. That doesn't stop people from fighting, of course, but it just seems to me that there'll never be a winner. We can't prove anything. So why provoke others? Why post about things that supposedly prove or disprove your own beliefs (or lack thereof) when you know you're just going to piss someone off? I don't understand that.

It's been awhile since I last posted, but all my thoughts tend to turn angsty after writing for awhile, so I end up giving up half way through. I blame fanfiction for that. As a preteen I kind of mostly wrote angst. If it didn't turn out angsty, it didn't feel emotional enough for me. So I think my mind just automatically falls into that emotional state when I start writing, whether it be a fictional or non fictional piece I'm doing.
I found my old book of poetry from when I was younger... say, of the ages of 12 to 14 or so. That writing was mostly dark too, I guess. Some of it was actually quite good, but most wasn't. It's funny how I look back and just laugh at myself. It all meant so much at the time. Now it means nothing at all. I bet that, if I don't delete this soon enough, some point in the future I'll look back and laugh at everything I've written here.

Important at the time, not important in the long run. But that's the nature of things... of all things, really. No use dwelling on any of it.

I've recently resigned to the fact that I'm going to be on medication for the rest of my life. I've always had issues with hayfever, (as one of the more minor things), but I've recently gotten onto iron tablets and a range of multivitamins. The doctor still suspects that I'm having nutrient absorption issues, meaning that once we find out what's actually the problem, I'll end up on more meds to make sure I get everything I need. Which is great.
Kinda sad that I'll forever be relying on synthetic medication to keep myself going. No idea how that's going to work when I travel. I still want to get the hell out of this place, but how do you go about buying prescription drugs overseas? Are Australian prescriptions still valid in other countries? I'd hope so.

Would I actually be happier overseas, though? Would moving away from what's comfortable and familiar be better for me? I dunno. I just have this urge to keep moving, but I'm not sure if that's really a viable option. I'd have to settle down eventually (whether that be with a husband, wife or several cats, I'm not sure, but any of those options sound good). A person who needs medication to survive probably wouldn't do too well backbacking across Europe or living in a caravan and always on the move at the ripe old age of 60.
I've never liked the idea of growing old, but I guess that can't really be helped. You either die young or age, and I suppose the latter is probably the better option. I probably shouldn't even consider the former.

I think all this is why I'm into cosplay and roleplay, actually. You get to be someone else for a bit. You get to be someone younger, or older, or another gender, another species even... you just get to be someone you aren't. I'm pretty sure everyone gets bored of being themselves at some point. It can't be just me. And hey, maybe this is why I want to travel. I can reinvent myself at every new place. No one will know me. No one will expect me to do certain things or say certain things. I'll get to meet new people and experience completely new things all the time, right?

I think I'm driven by boredom.

Thing is, by staying in one place you get swept into everything that happens there. Suddenly stupid, meaningless things become important because there's nothing else to focus on. You run out of the interesting and have to make do with the mundane. I don't want that.

I still think I'm also driven by fear of turning into my Mother, who does spend her days talking about things she could've done, things she could've seen, but didn't, because she got married, had kids and settled into the dull, normal life that is expected of everyone. And you know, I still don't want kids. Maybe it's because I'm scared of hurting them like she's hurt me, or maybe it's because I don't want to be tied down to them like she was. I think it's a mixture of both. And I think, maybe I'm just not cut out for that sort of thing, anyway. The majority of the world suffers from overpopulation, why add to that if it's not something you want, or if it's something you think you'll screw up? I'll take care of my friends kids when they need me to. I'll probably keep pets. But I don't think I want my own children. If I do end up married in the future, then I guess the topic will come up, and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, but... for the moment, no. It's not something I want, even in the future, and it's certainly not something that I need.

Hell, I'm not sure I want to get married. At all. I'm more of a romanticist than I'd like, and I miss the security of being in a relationship, but it also ties you down. I don't know. Just something else I'm not sure I'd want, and to be honest I have my own major reasons not to date. I've blogged about that before, though, so I won't discuss that again.

I don't think I'm anti-social, but, reading over this... I don't want to be tied to too much, I guess. I don't usually like being alone, and I'd like a very close friend to travel with, but I guess that's all. Just one person. Maybe more, depending on circumstances, but... right now, I think I'd like just someone to fill in the social void while I'm out exploring the world, and vice versa. And we could watch the sun come up before hitting the road again. We'd get lost in the streets of Venice and day dream on the beach for hours on end. And we'd drink to the new year with strangers we'll never remember, and learn the local stories from people with thick accents that we can hardly understand. We'd just travel, with no need to fill the silence needlessly or anything. Yeah. Something like that.

Cementing My Knowledge of Japanese Adjectives

This post is pretty much just me attempting to remind myself of how to conjugate Japanese adjectives. It's the only section I've really struggled with thus far, so I figure it can't hurt to write out what I've learnt to try and remember it better. So yeah, no need to read unless you want to learn a little Japanese =P

な (na)- adjectives omit the な when coming after a noun. When preceding a noun, however, the な is included. ie: 車は好きです (kuruma wa suki desu) will become 好きなくるまです(suki-na kuruma desu).
な adjectives are conjugated as follows;
Positive - です (desu)
Past - でした　(deshita)
Negative - じゃりません (jarimasen)
Past-negative - じゃりませんでした (jarimasendeshita)

い (i)- adjectives are recognised as always ending in 'i' when positive. There are exceptions (すき and きれい ending in い but actually being な adjectives, for example) but there's no real way to explain or learn that other than plain old memorisation and practice. The い is included both before and after the noun, however it will change depending on conjugation.
Conjugation is as follows;
Positive - い (i)
Past - かった (katta)
Negative - くない (kunai)
Past-negative - くなかった (kunakatta)
Oddly enough, you will usually add です (desu) to the end of each phrase regardless of whether it's in past or present test, or whether it's positive or negative. It's a politeness thing.
So if you were to say your car is not dangerous you would have to include です (desu) at the end despite the sentence being neither positive nor in present tense. ie: あなたの車は危なくなかったです (anata no kuruma wa abunakunakatta desu).

When the adjective is preceding the noun, it's easier to see the adjective + object as one entity rather than two separate words. It makes figuring out sentence structure and speaking fluently easier.

The Day The Music Died♫

That awkward moment when there's nothing awkward to comment on.

It's the holidays again. Third term is over. All that's left is the (supposedly) most laid-back term of our lives. I should be celebrating, I guess, but instead I salvaged my old Sims downloads from the backup of my old harddrive and sung loudly (and terribly) to old music.

I'm being somewhat social these holidays, actually. The formal is this Sunday and I have a sleep over that night. Lainey and I are organising stuff for Wednesday already. Feels good, man. It's nice to get out of the house with mah bros. Usually I don't. Mum's in a good mood, though, so I'm willing to test the boundaries and actually do something with my friends.

Speaking of the formal, I have body tape so I can make sure the dress actually fits around my rib cage properly. It's kind of bulging, rofl. I must have the strangest body shape, because there are other sections of the dress that I almost don't fit into at all.

I've found yet another guide for chest-bindings. Ah, the pain of having boobs and wanting to cosplay as a guy. See, it's okay the other way around, because it's much easier to fake having boobs when you don't. It's a lot more difficult to fake being flat chested when you're quite clearly not. Bah. According to my research, there's a good chance that I'll end up weakening the tissue in my chest due to how much goddamn fat I'm trying to flatten out. Sounds healthy.

...oh well. The things I'll (eventually) do for cosplay. If only there was a female character I actually wanted to cosplay as. All my favourite characters are male. Hm.

I've been on Pottermore recently. My wand is 9 1/2 inches long, and made of cedar with unicorn hair as the core. I was sorted into Slytherin. The unicorn hair means that my wand is less likely to swing to the dark arts, but apart from that, I'm pretty happy with what I've got. My wand is the shortest of my group... but, it's totally not about size, guys. =P
I'm nearing a hundred house points now. Which isn't... bad, but there are plenty of people with 5000 points. How? With dueling down, we can only get points by brewing potions... which takes a good 90 minutes, and you can get a maximum of 11 points per potion. 5000 points from that??? That's... yeah, I'm not going to aspire towards that. I'll just chill here with under 100 points like the cool bro I am.

Slytherin is winning, despite having the least amount of members. This pleases me greatly. 'bout time we knocked Ravenclaw down a peg or two. Heh. No, I'm just kidding, Ravenclaw bros. You guys are cool too, probably.

I was playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D for a few days last week. It's very, very cool, though it's not much different from the original. Just, you know, with vastly better graphics, more item slots and an extra dimension added to the gameplay. That's exactly what I wanted from the remake, though, so that's fine. The 3D really is quite amazing. After awhile I started to get used to it, and figured that I wouldn't notice if I turned the 3D down.
...I did notice. Everything looked so much more flat (durr, GoJo. Well done) and less... I don't know, real, I guess? Not that it looks real in 3D... but I just felt much more immersed in the game world with it in 3D. It was actually quite weird to play the Wii afterwards.

What else has happened recently... No. 6 finished. The last episode was... kind of disappointing. A lot of people will disagree with me there, but... it felt kind of rushed. Not surprising, with how short the anime was, but I still felt it could've been better. I also hate how Nezumi just leaves. For no truly great reason. Was this just some excuse for there to be a bittersweet ending? Instead of saying "and they lived happily ever after", they pretended that Nezumi had some great... something to attend to, and that they couldn't live peacefully together, and ugh it made no sense to me. It just felt contrived and ridiculous.

...not that the book was much better. It ended the same way, but a little less quick and more emotional.

...I was expecting an ending that would leave me in a completely and utter mess. Instead, I just kinda felt tired and annoyed that I'd woken up at 5:30 to watch something that didn't really affect me in any way whatsoever. It was pretty sucky for me, to be honest.

Anyway this entire post has been pointless. It's just been awhile and I thought that I should make up for my lack of interesting topics to blog about. Heh.

The Oddity That is My Emotions.

Really, this is very pointless, but I don't get in this mood often... or at all, to be honest. So I may as well blog about it.
I feel like listening to someone.
I mean, I listen to people every day. We all do. And there are certain people that I've just allowed to talk to me for hours on end if need be. Right now it's different, though.

I just want to listen to someone. Anyone. I just want someone to ramble on about nothing. About what irks them, what worries them... what inspires them, what excites them... I just want someone to talk to me about themselves. I just want to listen. I don't want it to be text based, though. I want to actually hear the emotions in the person's voice as they speak everything in their heart, soul or mind. Whatever they're willing to share.

Perhaps this is because I'm sick of thinking to myself, or something? I don't know. I don't really care. All that matters is that, right now, I want to listen to someone speak.

Yeah. That's all I have to say. You can all carry on with your evening now.