I promised Lainey that I'd upload my post on my own religious views and other things that have been plaguing my mind recently, but I haven't really finished it. I still don't know what I think about life. I dunno if I'm just doing this soul searching thing incorrectly or what, but I'm kinda struggling. The post is half done, but not really finished and I can't bring myself to post it just yet.
I'm not sure I believe in anything, to be honest. I think there are supernatural forces, but I don't know what and I'm certainly not going to put any trust into them. I just believe in, you know, people, animals, the stuff we can see... I think we're connected, but by a God? I don't know. I just don't know. I wish I did.
I don't think anyone knows. That doesn't stop people from fighting, of course, but it just seems to me that there'll never be a winner. We can't prove anything. So why provoke others? Why post about things that supposedly prove or disprove your own beliefs (or lack thereof) when you know you're just going to piss someone off? I don't understand that.
It's been awhile since I last posted, but all my thoughts tend to turn angsty after writing for awhile, so I end up giving up half way through. I blame fanfiction for that. As a preteen I kind of mostly wrote angst. If it didn't turn out angsty, it didn't feel emotional enough for me. So I think my mind just automatically falls into that emotional state when I start writing, whether it be a fictional or non fictional piece I'm doing.
I found my old book of poetry from when I was younger... say, of the ages of 12 to 14 or so. That writing was mostly dark too, I guess. Some of it was actually quite good, but most wasn't. It's funny how I look back and just laugh at myself. It all meant so much at the time. Now it means nothing at all. I bet that, if I don't delete this soon enough, some point in the future I'll look back and laugh at everything I've written here.
Important at the time, not important in the long run. But that's the nature of things... of all things, really. No use dwelling on any of it.
I've recently resigned to the fact that I'm going to be on medication for the rest of my life. I've always had issues with hayfever, (as one of the more minor things), but I've recently gotten onto iron tablets and a range of multivitamins. The doctor still suspects that I'm having nutrient absorption issues, meaning that once we find out what's actually the problem, I'll end up on more meds to make sure I get everything I need. Which is great.
Kinda sad that I'll forever be relying on synthetic medication to keep myself going. No idea how that's going to work when I travel. I still want to get the hell out of this place, but how do you go about buying prescription drugs overseas? Are Australian prescriptions still valid in other countries? I'd hope so.
Would I actually be happier overseas, though? Would moving away from what's comfortable and familiar be better for me? I dunno. I just have this urge to keep moving, but I'm not sure if that's really a viable option. I'd have to settle down eventually (whether that be with a husband, wife or several cats, I'm not sure, but any of those options sound good). A person who needs medication to survive probably wouldn't do too well backbacking across Europe or living in a caravan and always on the move at the ripe old age of 60.
I've never liked the idea of growing old, but I guess that can't really be helped. You either die young or age, and I suppose the latter is probably the better option. I probably shouldn't even consider the former.
I think all this is why I'm into cosplay and roleplay, actually. You get to be someone else for a bit. You get to be someone younger, or older, or another gender, another species even... you just get to be someone you aren't. I'm pretty sure everyone gets bored of being themselves at some point. It can't be just me. And hey, maybe this is why I want to travel. I can reinvent myself at every new place. No one will know me. No one will expect me to do certain things or say certain things. I'll get to meet new people and experience completely new things all the time, right?
I think I'm driven by boredom.
Thing is, by staying in one place you get swept into everything that happens there. Suddenly stupid, meaningless things become important because there's nothing else to focus on. You run out of the interesting and have to make do with the mundane. I don't want that.
I still think I'm also driven by fear of turning into my Mother, who does spend her days talking about things she could've done, things she could've seen, but didn't, because she got married, had kids and settled into the dull, normal life that is expected of everyone. And you know, I still don't want kids. Maybe it's because I'm scared of hurting them like she's hurt me, or maybe it's because I don't want to be tied down to them like she was. I think it's a mixture of both. And I think, maybe I'm just not cut out for that sort of thing, anyway. The majority of the world suffers from overpopulation, why add to that if it's not something you want, or if it's something you think you'll screw up? I'll take care of my friends kids when they need me to. I'll probably keep pets. But I don't think I want my own children. If I do end up married in the future, then I guess the topic will come up, and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, but... for the moment, no. It's not something I want, even in the future, and it's certainly not something that I need.
Hell, I'm not sure I want to get married. At all. I'm more of a romanticist than I'd like, and I miss the security of being in a relationship, but it also ties you down. I don't know. Just something else I'm not sure I'd want, and to be honest I have my own major reasons not to date. I've blogged about that before, though, so I won't discuss that again.
I don't think I'm anti-social, but, reading over this... I don't want to be tied to too much, I guess. I don't usually like being alone, and I'd like a very close friend to travel with, but I guess that's all. Just one person. Maybe more, depending on circumstances, but... right now, I think I'd like just someone to fill in the social void while I'm out exploring the world, and vice versa. And we could watch the sun come up before hitting the road again. We'd get lost in the streets of Venice and day dream on the beach for hours on end. And we'd drink to the new year with strangers we'll never remember, and learn the local stories from people with thick accents that we can hardly understand. We'd just travel, with no need to fill the silence needlessly or anything. Yeah. Something like that.
Sep 21, 2011
Cementing My Knowledge of Japanese Adjectives
This post is pretty much just me attempting to remind myself of how to conjugate Japanese adjectives. It's the only section I've really struggled with thus far, so I figure it can't hurt to write out what I've learnt to try and remember it better. So yeah, no need to read unless you want to learn a little Japanese =P
な (na)- adjectives omit the な when coming after a noun. When preceding a noun, however, the な is included. ie: 車は好きです (kuruma wa suki desu) will become 好きなくるまです(suki-na kuruma desu).
な adjectives are conjugated as follows;
Positive - です (desu)
Past - でした (deshita)
Negative - じゃりません (jarimasen)
Past-negative - じゃりませんでした (jarimasendeshita)
い (i)- adjectives are recognised as always ending in 'i' when positive. There are exceptions (すき and きれい ending in い but actually being な adjectives, for example) but there's no real way to explain or learn that other than plain old memorisation and practice. The い is included both before and after the noun, however it will change depending on conjugation.
Conjugation is as follows;
Positive - い (i)
Past - かった (katta)
Negative - くない (kunai)
Past-negative - くなかった (kunakatta)
Oddly enough, you will usually add です (desu) to the end of each phrase regardless of whether it's in past or present test, or whether it's positive or negative. It's a politeness thing.
So if you were to say your car is not dangerous you would have to include です (desu) at the end despite the sentence being neither positive nor in present tense. ie: あなたの車は危なくなかったです (anata no kuruma wa abunakunakatta desu).
When the adjective is preceding the noun, it's easier to see the adjective + object as one entity rather than two separate words. It makes figuring out sentence structure and speaking fluently easier.
な (na)- adjectives omit the な when coming after a noun. When preceding a noun, however, the な is included. ie: 車は好きです (kuruma wa suki desu) will become 好きなくるまです(suki-na kuruma desu).
な adjectives are conjugated as follows;
Positive - です (desu)
Past - でした (deshita)
Negative - じゃりません (jarimasen)
Past-negative - じゃりませんでした (jarimasendeshita)
い (i)- adjectives are recognised as always ending in 'i' when positive. There are exceptions (すき and きれい ending in い but actually being な adjectives, for example) but there's no real way to explain or learn that other than plain old memorisation and practice. The い is included both before and after the noun, however it will change depending on conjugation.
Conjugation is as follows;
Positive - い (i)
Past - かった (katta)
Negative - くない (kunai)
Past-negative - くなかった (kunakatta)
Oddly enough, you will usually add です (desu) to the end of each phrase regardless of whether it's in past or present test, or whether it's positive or negative. It's a politeness thing.
So if you were to say your car is not dangerous you would have to include です (desu) at the end despite the sentence being neither positive nor in present tense. ie: あなたの車は危なくなかったです (anata no kuruma wa abunakunakatta desu).
When the adjective is preceding the noun, it's easier to see the adjective + object as one entity rather than two separate words. It makes figuring out sentence structure and speaking fluently easier.
Sep 16, 2011
The Day The Music Died♫
That awkward moment when there's nothing awkward to comment on.
It's the holidays again. Third term is over. All that's left is the (supposedly) most laid-back term of our lives. I should be celebrating, I guess, but instead I salvaged my old Sims downloads from the backup of my old harddrive and sung loudly (and terribly) to old music.
I'm being somewhat social these holidays, actually. The formal is this Sunday and I have a sleep over that night. Lainey and I are organising stuff for Wednesday already. Feels good, man. It's nice to get out of the house with mah bros. Usually I don't. Mum's in a good mood, though, so I'm willing to test the boundaries and actually do something with my friends.
Speaking of the formal, I have body tape so I can make sure the dress actually fits around my rib cage properly. It's kind of bulging, rofl. I must have the strangest body shape, because there are other sections of the dress that I almost don't fit into at all.
I've found yet another guide for chest-bindings. Ah, the pain of having boobs and wanting to cosplay as a guy. See, it's okay the other way around, because it's much easier to fake having boobs when you don't. It's a lot more difficult to fake being flat chested when you're quite clearly not. Bah. According to my research, there's a good chance that I'll end up weakening the tissue in my chest due to how much goddamn fat I'm trying to flatten out. Sounds healthy.
...oh well. The things I'll (eventually) do for cosplay. If only there was a female character I actually wanted to cosplay as. All my favourite characters are male. Hm.
I've been on Pottermore recently. My wand is 9 1/2 inches long, and made of cedar with unicorn hair as the core. I was sorted into Slytherin. The unicorn hair means that my wand is less likely to swing to the dark arts, but apart from that, I'm pretty happy with what I've got. My wand is the shortest of my group... but, it's totally not about size, guys. =P
I'm nearing a hundred house points now. Which isn't... bad, but there are plenty of people with 5000 points. How? With dueling down, we can only get points by brewing potions... which takes a good 90 minutes, and you can get a maximum of 11 points per potion. 5000 points from that??? That's... yeah, I'm not going to aspire towards that. I'll just chill here with under 100 points like the cool bro I am.
Slytherin is winning, despite having the least amount of members. This pleases me greatly. 'bout time we knocked Ravenclaw down a peg or two. Heh. No, I'm just kidding, Ravenclaw bros. You guys are cool too, probably.
I was playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D for a few days last week. It's very, very cool, though it's not much different from the original. Just, you know, with vastly better graphics, more item slots and an extra dimension added to the gameplay. That's exactly what I wanted from the remake, though, so that's fine. The 3D really is quite amazing. After awhile I started to get used to it, and figured that I wouldn't notice if I turned the 3D down.
...I did notice. Everything looked so much more flat (durr, GoJo. Well done) and less... I don't know, real, I guess? Not that it looks real in 3D... but I just felt much more immersed in the game world with it in 3D. It was actually quite weird to play the Wii afterwards.
What else has happened recently... No. 6 finished. The last episode was... kind of disappointing. A lot of people will disagree with me there, but... it felt kind of rushed. Not surprising, with how short the anime was, but I still felt it could've been better. I also hate how Nezumi just leaves. For no truly great reason. Was this just some excuse for there to be a bittersweet ending? Instead of saying "and they lived happily ever after", they pretended that Nezumi had some great... something to attend to, and that they couldn't live peacefully together, and ugh it made no sense to me. It just felt contrived and ridiculous.
...not that the book was much better. It ended the same way, but a little less quick and more emotional.
...I was expecting an ending that would leave me in a completely and utter mess. Instead, I just kinda felt tired and annoyed that I'd woken up at 5:30 to watch something that didn't really affect me in any way whatsoever. It was pretty sucky for me, to be honest.
Anyway this entire post has been pointless. It's just been awhile and I thought that I should make up for my lack of interesting topics to blog about. Heh.
It's the holidays again. Third term is over. All that's left is the (supposedly) most laid-back term of our lives. I should be celebrating, I guess, but instead I salvaged my old Sims downloads from the backup of my old harddrive and sung loudly (and terribly) to old music.
I'm being somewhat social these holidays, actually. The formal is this Sunday and I have a sleep over that night. Lainey and I are organising stuff for Wednesday already. Feels good, man. It's nice to get out of the house with mah bros. Usually I don't. Mum's in a good mood, though, so I'm willing to test the boundaries and actually do something with my friends.
Speaking of the formal, I have body tape so I can make sure the dress actually fits around my rib cage properly. It's kind of bulging, rofl. I must have the strangest body shape, because there are other sections of the dress that I almost don't fit into at all.
I've found yet another guide for chest-bindings. Ah, the pain of having boobs and wanting to cosplay as a guy. See, it's okay the other way around, because it's much easier to fake having boobs when you don't. It's a lot more difficult to fake being flat chested when you're quite clearly not. Bah. According to my research, there's a good chance that I'll end up weakening the tissue in my chest due to how much goddamn fat I'm trying to flatten out. Sounds healthy.
...oh well. The things I'll (eventually) do for cosplay. If only there was a female character I actually wanted to cosplay as. All my favourite characters are male. Hm.
I've been on Pottermore recently. My wand is 9 1/2 inches long, and made of cedar with unicorn hair as the core. I was sorted into Slytherin. The unicorn hair means that my wand is less likely to swing to the dark arts, but apart from that, I'm pretty happy with what I've got. My wand is the shortest of my group... but, it's totally not about size, guys. =P
I'm nearing a hundred house points now. Which isn't... bad, but there are plenty of people with 5000 points. How? With dueling down, we can only get points by brewing potions... which takes a good 90 minutes, and you can get a maximum of 11 points per potion. 5000 points from that??? That's... yeah, I'm not going to aspire towards that. I'll just chill here with under 100 points like the cool bro I am.
Slytherin is winning, despite having the least amount of members. This pleases me greatly. 'bout time we knocked Ravenclaw down a peg or two. Heh. No, I'm just kidding, Ravenclaw bros. You guys are cool too, probably.
I was playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D for a few days last week. It's very, very cool, though it's not much different from the original. Just, you know, with vastly better graphics, more item slots and an extra dimension added to the gameplay. That's exactly what I wanted from the remake, though, so that's fine. The 3D really is quite amazing. After awhile I started to get used to it, and figured that I wouldn't notice if I turned the 3D down.
...I did notice. Everything looked so much more flat (durr, GoJo. Well done) and less... I don't know, real, I guess? Not that it looks real in 3D... but I just felt much more immersed in the game world with it in 3D. It was actually quite weird to play the Wii afterwards.
What else has happened recently... No. 6 finished. The last episode was... kind of disappointing. A lot of people will disagree with me there, but... it felt kind of rushed. Not surprising, with how short the anime was, but I still felt it could've been better. I also hate how Nezumi just leaves. For no truly great reason. Was this just some excuse for there to be a bittersweet ending? Instead of saying "and they lived happily ever after", they pretended that Nezumi had some great... something to attend to, and that they couldn't live peacefully together, and ugh it made no sense to me. It just felt contrived and ridiculous.
...not that the book was much better. It ended the same way, but a little less quick and more emotional.
...I was expecting an ending that would leave me in a completely and utter mess. Instead, I just kinda felt tired and annoyed that I'd woken up at 5:30 to watch something that didn't really affect me in any way whatsoever. It was pretty sucky for me, to be honest.
Anyway this entire post has been pointless. It's just been awhile and I thought that I should make up for my lack of interesting topics to blog about. Heh.
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